Coping with miscarriage

Miscarriage is extremely common.  This is an indicator of what a miracle new life really is.  Most women will miscarry at some time in their reproductive life and not even know it.  It takes billions of cells, splitting, grouping, forming, differentiating to make a

With my second pregnancy, I knew I was pregnant the day before my period was due. I had felt that familiar overwhelming sense of fatigue, took a test and it came up positive.  This was a planned pregnancy, but it was our first month at trying so I was taken by surprise, considering our first pregnancy took a long time and fertility drugs to happen.

Because I didn’t expect it to happen so soon I was working extra shifts, studying, being mum to my twins and not looking after myself.  By the time I found out I was pregnant I was already run down and getting sick (I ended up with tonsillitis on and off for 6 weeks).

When I was 5 weeks pregnant I was out at the shops when I decided to make a bathroom stop before I left….this is when I started bleeding……my heart sank, my gut told me that this pregnancy was over.  It was the worst day of my life, sitting in the Women’s Assessment waiting room, knowing that I was losing my baby but waiting for confirmation.

I had only known for a week that I was pregnant, but a week is long enough to make plans, have hopes and dreams for your future baby.

How I came to terms with my miscarriage

~Put a name to your grief: The night before I found out I was pregnant I was lying in bed and had a half awake vision of a baby wrapped in blue being lowered down to me.  It sounds crazy and I don’t claim to be psychic by any means, but I feel that there is a strong subconscious link between a mother and her unborn baby, usually presenting as dreams.  From this I believed that the baby I was carrying was a boy.  I named him when I miscarried and I think this helped me to grieve for my lost pregnancy.

~Think positive: This was to be a summer baby.  I had made the decision that since I was no longer having a summer baby that I was going to have a winter baby instead.  I started collecting winter maternity clothes and changed my attitude- I already had summer babies, now I would find out what it would be like to have a winter baby.  Now I had time to rest, recover and make myself a healthier vessel for my next baby to thrive in.

~Focus on someone else’s problem: 2 days after I miscarried, my sister wrapped her car around a light pole.  Fortunately she was not hurt but her car was a right-off.  So the next family crisis had begun and it took my mind off my misery.

~Rationalize: I knew why I had lost this baby.  My body was struggling to keep me going and get me healthy again and could not cope with the immense task of growing and developing another person.  Most of the time we don’t know the reason why a miscarriage has occurred, but it’s easier if you can accept that creating a baby from 2 pieces of tiny DNA is an extremely complex process and it can’t go right all the time.

~Philosophise: I look at my son and think about what it would have been like to have 2 of him.  I love him to pieces but some days he drives me insane.  I don’t think I was supposed to have another boy at that time.  I was not meant to have that particular child at that particular time.  I was meant to have that negative experience so that I could appreciate all the positives in my life.

Early pregnancy bleeding should be seen to by a health professional.  Although this is also common and everything is OK most of the time, it could still indicate a problem.  Once you start a miscarriage there is usually nothing the hospital staff can do to stop it, but I did need a dose of ‘Anti-D’ since my blood group was rhesus negative (to prevent problems with antibodies attacking future pregnancies).  You also need to make sure the loss is complete, otherwise a D+C may be required.

I had my winter baby: My beautiful baby girl was born in June last year.  If my other pregnancy had succeeded, I would not have her today!

This was relatively easy for me to get through: I had only just started trying to get pregnant, I had only known I was pregnant for a week, I had a known reason for losing this pregnancy and 2 months later I was pregnant again.  I am sorry for those experiencing multiple miscarriages or miscarriage after trying for a long time, or mid/late pregnancy miscarriage.  These losses are so much harder to deal with.  I hope my thoughts help those who have experienced early pregnancy miscarriage.

Xx josie  

 support links (idea kindly suggested by Arna) : www.burtonmail.co.uk/burtonmail-news/DisplayArticle.asp

                                                                                   www.google.com.au/aclk

                                                                                   www.angelfire.com/emo/miscarriage/

                                                                                   www.sandsvic.org.au/

                                                                                   www.bellaonline.com/subjects/6461.asp

                                                                                  www.sidsandkids.org/nsw/documents/supportgroups.pdf