Do you know that only 6 weeks ago I would never imagined writing what I am about to write.....

In fact possibly even last week I wouldn't have written it LOL

But the fact is, I actually Thank God for my recent eye and sight problems. !!!!!

When you are temporarily without sight, unable to see all the beautiful family members, friends and things around you, its a wonderful gift because it forces you to look within !!!!

Not for one minute would I wish to offend anyone who has lost their sight permanently or even knows someone with no sight, what happened to me was a gift because it was temporary!!!! To lose sight completely and never have it restored would be a devastating blow. For me, I can now see it as a gift because my sight is almost completely back and is still improving every day.

What this has meant for me, has been a freeing and fascinating journey through my life, my fears, my feelings and doing a kind of "spring clean" Many things I had thought had been dealt with, were still neatly packed in little boxes, waiting on the "to go through later" shelves. I believed because I had shelved them, it wasn't affecting my decision making and life perspective in the here and now. I was wrong !!!!!!

Working things through by looking at myself from the inside, was fascinating. I have emerged from the process, stronger, focused and happier than I can ever remember.

My shelves are all sorted and empty. All the baggage that was weighing me down.....

You know the boxes I mean, they are all labelled under the heading "IF...."   Its a strange word "IF" one of the smallest in the English language, yet we all believe it could change History. How many times do we use the word If in a sentence believing that "IF" we could go back to a certain point in our life and change things, we would be happier

The time had come for me to be blunt and brutal to myself.

"I can't change my past!!!! I have to Deal with it!!!! The past has gone unless I let it wreck my future !!!"

Yes, my Faith has helped me a lot, because I am now able to say I am glad for all that has happened in my life, because it has made me who I am today and I like being Me!!! Some of the things I have lived through have been pretty horrific but guess what........horrible things happen to good people every minute of the day!!!!! Why Not Me??????

I am actually priveliged because I now have an insight into things I never once knew, its going to make me an even better person because I can understand and empathise with people in similar situations.

I have found peace with my past and now I have had that gift, it no longer will have an impact on my future

Sometimes pain can be too raw for us to deal with things that have happened to us, we need to re group, heal and get stronger, but there comes the time, to deal with it. At some point we will always have to deal with everything. Its not possible to forget the bad things that knock us down,  neither is it healthy to live always looking back. You end up being a Tug of War rope, with the past pulling you one way and the Future pulling you another. Until you cut off the past we are always going to go through life taking two strides forward and one stride back or even vice versa barely making any headway at all

I knew for me to go forward I had to forgive a lot of people, this was hard !!!!!! But I spent time thinking things through and I also prayed it through too. The way I dealt with the forgiving, is to forgive those who hurt me, however, I didn't need to meet these people to do that, neither do I have to trust them ever again and I certainly don't understand them or their motives, however by forgiving them, it releases me. What did it release me from??????? Anger, Bitterness, Resentment, Foolishness, Pain, Confusion and a good many other negative emotions too.

I don't need those emotions in my life, none of us do