Bullying is an insidious and soul destroying thing to happen to anyone. It can happen to anyone at any time in their life. For children it can have an enormous impact on their self esteem, their education and can result in tragedy. Children are becoming Bully Aware through many of

the programs implimented in schools but that doesnt always resolve the issue. I have come across some new books which may help especially if your child is entering their teen years, changing schools has experienced or witnessed this type of behaviour.

Firstly is a novel called Destroying Avalon by Kate McCaffrey its approx $20 and shows the power of bullying in the cyber age. It shows the pressure our teens are under and the effects it can have on them. Where it used to be name calling in the playground that people could hear, cyber bullying is quiet and lethal, texting to mobiles, chat rooms, messenger are all available to kids these days and it's not only teens using this form of bullying. Kids are techno savy and if your child has a computer in their room they are potentially open to bullying by their peers. If it's at all possible place the computer in a central place where anyone can observe the screen.

The second is based on a real life situation, called Letters to a Bullied Girl, it is a collection of letters described as messages of hope, are written by a variety of people and includes victims as well as letters from people who were bullies themselves. It gives an insight into how it came about and how they felt and are felling now. This book moved me greatly, it began with one girl being bullied and her story being on television and how two sisters living in another town decided to support a stranger going through one of the most horrendous experiences of her life. It does what it says it gives hope to the bullied. It is also around $20.

The third and finally the most important book that I have just finished and has prompted this advice is called Dont Just Stand There, Parents Take Action. Again $20 it provides 5 easy to follow steps to protect your child from school bullying. Written by Dorothy Lenthall I, as a teacher, found this to be an excellent resource. Its easy to follow and shows parents how to help their child immediately, how to take action and the questions that need to be asked to ensure that school bullying is addressed and most importantly STOPPED!

As an adult, I have been a victim of workplace bullying but as a child I learned resilience and that keeps me from going under. I read all three books in the hope of finding a solution to a current situation. A lot has been written about how we should not tolerate bullying, how we should fight back and stand up for ourselves, unfortunately that's not always easy to do. As an adult being bullied sends you back to your childhood, you become anxious, distressed and depressed. Ignoring bullies doesnt help, bullies need to be dealt with and deal with effectively. Changing jobs, is the same as changing school and is quite ineffective in developing the skills a person needs to deal with people, who for whatever reason, think they have the right to taunt, hurt, ignore and pressure others.

As a parent we want to do whats best for our child and that's developing preventative skills, be open and honest, listening without emotion especially anger as that further distresses the child and they are unlikely to tell you if it is continuing for fear of upsetting you and it can also backfire in that if they see you angry they may feel that they are the cause and this will further consolidate those feeling of inadequacy that the bully has initially established.

If you are in a situation where your child is displaying symptoms of bullying.... refusal to go to school, feigned illness, withdrawal then ask the questions, remain calm and get all the facts. Some children lack social skills in that they can blurt out things that can cause others to see them as different ,whilst this is not excuse for them to be bullied, it can make dealing with the situation difficult. Talk about appropriate things that can be talked about and what things should remain in the privacy of your home. It is unfortunate that we have bullies in our society, they exist and they wont go away until they realise and accept responsibility for their behaviour.

Generally I have been talking about verbal abuse, harrassment, exclusion types of behaviour. Physical bullying needs to be dealt with immediately and my advice is to go straight to the police, they are skilled in dealing with assult and people need to know that you are serious about it being stopped.

If you only buy one book my advice it to get a copy of Dont Just Stand There, its easy to read an follow guide will help you as a parent, your child and the school your child attends.