Re: Many things bothering me at once
anonymous

Question:

Hi fellow minti folk

A few things are putting alot of weight on my shoulders at the moments and i think i need to vent!!! Any advice would be SO appreciated.

Today i

realised, i'm not a lazy person, but i am a lazy mum! i do my house work over playing with my son. I cant believe i would be so selfish (we waited over 5 years to have him)- 17 months old. I think my main problem is that i get stuck on what to play with him! Can anyone help please? Dont get me wrong, we have so much fun together but i dont think we do enough 1 on 1 activities together!

We live in a small town, its so hard to socialise here, there are 2 main cetres which i have gone to but there are some very stuck up and awful people. When i walk out the door i am always checking my hair and making sure that my son and i look OK becuase i found some of them so judgmental. I then thought that this is not what i want for my son, i dont want him to feel that he needs to change who he is or dress to the 9's just for a morning out, so now i dont go (resulting in) me feeling really lonely but i dont no how to jump into a new croud if that makes sense.

I have 2 step children, we pay over 1/3 of my hubbys wage on there child support (I DO NOT MIND THIS AT ALL) but when i hear repedative things like our 7 yr old girl still doesnt have a door on her room, the play station that we brought for both children is in the boys room and the girl never gets to play (feel that there is a total favortism for the  boy). Im feeling resentment towards there mother because i dont feel like that there is fair support in her house.

Last but not least. My most dearest friend was diagnost with breast cancer last year, a year later she is in remision, i am so happy! BUT i cant get over it! i constantly feel worried for her future, what if it comes back and so on an so on

Sorry folks really needed to get it off of my chest!!!!!

My Advice: Hi,
 

Please stop worrying & criticizing yourself so much.  Obviously you are enjoying playing & spending time with your son.  Have you got any building blocks so your son can learn to build towers, shapes etc?  What about having a long shoe lace and thread cotton reels, or anything that has a hole through it & that will help with hand co ordination and of course look at books so your son will be able to recognize cat, dog, monkey, elephant etc. etc.  Go to the library as they normally have quite a selection to choose from.

Try not to worry too much about these stuck up people at the centre.  Just be yourself, put a smile on your face & tell yourself that you are better than them.  When I've been in that situation, there is such a huge smile on my face & I just try & get through.  Pick up on one of their conversations & make a comment.  Please don't let them see that you are feeling vulnerable & for goodness sake don't worry about your son's clothes.  They are always falling over & getting themselves dirty.

How about suggesting to this group for every child to make an handprint out of plaster of paris.  You need plaster plates, once the plaster has been mixed, pour some almost to the top of the plate, then the kids can "plonk" their hands into it & it's a memory for life.  Put the date on the back of the plate when it is dry.  Make sure you wash your little darlings hands.  You can use all sorts of things, leaves, shells, flowers or anything you can think of.  Also water play/sandpit/ push along toys etc.

I've been married before & a lot of things don't seen very fair especially when it comes to child support.  Just listen & gather information.  If the chidren are miss treated then it's up to your hubby to say something but don't be surprise if the ex ignores you.  You must aso be very careful that she doesn't take her anger out on the kids.

Lastly, I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago & I've got 3 years to go in remission.  I've been very, very lucky & had a wonderful surgeon & now my scars, you can hardly see them.

Please let me know how you get on.

Luv,

Krys x