No one is ever alone, just remember that ;-)

It's surprising to see how many people live with this. I am on 20 mg of Lexapro now and I am really starting to get my confidence back and I feel really good now. I haven't really felt anxious since the 2nd week into my new meds. I'm glad something is finally working. My doctor said it works so well and even people who are skeptics and only want natural remedies choose lexapro don't go back.

Thanks DA you always know how to make me feel confident in myself again when I'm feeling sad or in doubt. You are amazing!! Definitely a member I look up to and respect whole heartedly. I am aware that if I write articles like this that I am leaving myself open for shallow people to have a dig at sore spots that are still in healing but in the long-sight of things it may have lifted the hopes and spirits of those around me that they aren't alone.

Thank you for reading Janice. I think that one of the strongest things people can do is to forgive someone for what they've done to us. It takes a lot more strength than giving up or holding on to bitterness. And I think it made me a better person too, always trying to understand why someone is how they are and just accept them for it. And something that helps us heal faster than anything is to try to understand why someone did something.

My mum had a mental illness which was never diagnosed and so I know that what she did to me and put me through wasn't her fault. After her diagnosis she is the most wonderful, caring woman I've had the pleasure of meeting. And she is the best grandmother my son could ever ask for. I also realize that she was abused when she was younger and in the olden days it was swept under the carpet a lot. She never got help for what happened to her and so she went through life punishing people who showed they were vulnerable. I liked to talk about my feelings a lot and to be open so I understand now why she took everything out on me and not my brothers.

My dad was raised by a sociopath father who tortured his children and was an alcoholic, so he was living on the streets doing whatever he had to do to survive. I know that he didn't have a role model to teach him what good parenting was about and that alcohol was the only thing he knew for a while. I also know that he wouldn't of had much of a clue that he was crossing the line with his parenting in comparison to how he was raised.

I'll never forget what happened to me though, it'll be with me until the day I die. What I will do with it though is raise my children better and pray that one day when my children and their children grow older they will do an even better job than what I did.

Thanks very much for the time it took to write your response.

There are a few things that have pulled me through the abuse and to help me come to peace with what has happened to me.

It has given me wisdom because I have been through so many life experiences in such short timing. I'm often called an old soul.

If I hadn't been through what I've been through then I wouldn't be able to help so many other people who haven't found strength to move forward.

It has opened my eyes to what makes a good parent, something that I can pass on from generation to generation and know that I have put a limit on the abuse that comes down from my family line. And more importantly to listen to my kids.

Something that still hurts is the family gossip. I'm now and will forever be the black sheep of the family because people are so quick to judge without listening to both sides of the story. My parents story is that I have a serious mental illness and took it out on everyone around me and they didn't know what to do with me. They said that because of this mental illness these events were all made up in my head but people need to accept that it's the mental illness and not really me. And that makes me mad that my family has chosen to believe that.

My side of the story is that my parents were never there for me, never helped me, treated me poorly and so when I stuck up for myself instead of questioning what they had done wrong for me to act out that way, it was easier to blame me and try to stick a label on my head. I lived with that label for 7 years, I was on medication that I wasn't supposed to be on which took over my life and made me behave differently to what I would normally. They never got me any counselling and continued to treat me like crap. It wasn't until I was correctly diagnosed and told that I was the most normal person he had the pleasure of speaking to, I stopped blaming myself.

I recently flew down to Adelaide for my nanna's funeral and it was upsetting to see my family members nice to my face but when they were whispering and stopping when I walked by, I knew they were all gossiping about me.

Thanks for that anniebabe my life wasn't very good for the first 21 years, I just wasn't anxious when I was younger. I've been homeless, sexually abused, a victim of domestic violence, drink spiked to which I have no recollection of what took place just to name a few. The only difference is when I was younger I held everything in, bottled it up, put a lid on it and tried to bury it. I didn't tell anybody about what happened to me.

I'm not sure why my dad became an alcoholic, after fighting for almost 5 years he's never told me why. But it was shortly after I was sick of the nasty things my mum used to call me that I wrote her a nasty letter and 17 years of bottled up feelings came pouring out. Instead of getting me help my dad hit me for writing the letter and making my mum upset and kicked me out on to the streets. I never forgave him for it and when I was allowed to come back there was always friction between us, I was only there because it was a roof over my head and he only let me there because I was his daughter.

My mum used to take everything out on me, hit me for no reason, punch me in the face, make up lies, get me in trouble before she was diagnosed with her mental illness. She would only physically hit me when my dad was at work but when she called me names my dad would always stick up for me. When we moved to QLD my dad took my mum's side and called me a liar and refused to acknowledge anything that happened to me. This was around the same time he started picking on my littest brother, turning me in to a house maid and getting really weird.

He took me to court just to humiliate me in front of a judge by talking about my life but it backfired on him. The judge told him basically to grow up and start acting like a father. Then ordered family counselling to which he was told several times by the psychologist that he crossed the line. It wasn't until then that he apologized and has been trying to make it up to me ever since. I forgive them both but will never forget.

Thank you I'm getting better at just being me and ignoring the people who are nasty about it.

Thanks :)

I know how you feel, I've been told more often than not that it's a cop out but it's not. I've tried practically every treatment known for what I have because I don't want it and have found that meditation and hypotherapy are what worked best for me. Prescription medication seems to make me go crazy. I also abused drugs and alcohol when I was younger just for the opportunity to experience what it could be like without feeling anxious and It's sad that I had to resort to those measures in order to speak to others and relate to others without feeling anxious. I didn't actually want to drink or to do drugs, I just wanted the opportunity to make friends easily and to talk without any burdens preventing me. People don't seem to believe you unless you're in the middle of a panic attack or hyperventilating and it's sad that it has to come to that before someone gives you a chance.

Thanks for being a good friend to me Aula

xx

My old psychiatrist explained to me that being social and extremely talkative was a sign that the person who has anxiety has not de-stressed and is closer towards a "flight or fight" or a "snap or withdraw" whatever you want to call it. It doesn't last very long either, maybe 24 hours. It is also within this period that many people who have anxiety experience "flight of ideas, mind racing quickly, pressure of speech, feelings of euphoria" etc

This is why it is quite common for people with social anxiety to be misdiagnosed with rapid-cycling bipolar disorder because they have the same symptoms, however, it takes a professional in behaviour to distinguish the severity of the symptoms.

I was told by someone with over 40 years experience in psychiatry (apparently one of the best in QLD) that he gets people coming in all the time misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, probably 1 in 3 who were diagnosed by doctors. Their mistake was asking questions as they were written in the DSM IV rather than challenging the behaviours and severity of the symptoms. He went further in to details and told me that he doesn't believe in diagnosing bipolar in children or teenagers because it's onset is usually in adulthood and hormones and "going off track" can go back to just being a typical teenager or even the after affects of experimental drug use, or environmental factors such as teenage abuse relationships and so many other facets. He also said it's way over diagnosed (with bipolar) in society and many aren't even diagnosed with the disorder until they became a genius, a multi millionaire or have killed themselves.

This is how he explained it to me... first the person who has anxiety starts off neutral such as when you're asleep, something stressful happens and you deal with it okay, something stressful happens and you get a little irritable but you deal with it fine, something stressful happens then you become irritable, you may not be able to keep still or sleep, something stressful happens again and you may become extremely talkative, speaking very quickly, then come the flight of ideas, feelings of euphoria, something stressful happens again, you get snappy, speech stops to quick, brief, one word answers, something stressful happens again and it could be as tiny as someone being home late by 5 minutes and you snap then after the snap guilt sets in because you didn't mean to.

He told me that people who experience this can engage in activities such as tai chi, meditation etc to destress anytime between when these symptoms happen and you will re-set back to neutral. So if you find yourself speaking really quickly or irritable, it's a sign that you've let stress build up and you need to relax and get rid of it.

Then there are other times when you feel backed in to a corner, threatened, upset, intimidated, hurt by a rude comment etc and these symptoms are missed it goes straight to "fight or flight" in which the behavioural cognitive therapy techniques are good for "break it down, simplify the situation".

I hope this helps anybody else who has not been taught this.

sorry cognitive behavioural therapy

Thanks hun I try to be as open and honest as I can. I like to see it as inner strength because I think it takes more courage to talk about problems and things that happened in your life than to hold it in and never speak of it. I'm flawed, just like every other person in this world and I'm not afraid to be vulnerable anymore.

Thanks my little boy is my angel, I've often been told if you think you can't go on anymore then to think of something you would die for and live for that. I can proudly say I wake each morning dedicating my life to my son and any future children I have.

I wish you peace also and hope to see you around

xx

I think that I'm lucky to share my life with someone as wonderful as yourself :-)

It's nice to know that we're not alone and going through the same experience as others. If you ever decide to write an article about your experience please let me know so I can have a read.