What is the right parenting style?: A quest to support each others’ choices

Having been a member of Minti for a few months now, I have come to realize that there are many differing opinions on the best way to raise a child.  And some opinions are

certainly stronger than others. So……

What is the right parenting style?

Yours?  You probably think so! If we didn’t think what we were doing as parents was right then we wouldn’t do it, would we?  Someone elses? Maybe you don’t have the confidence to respect your own parenting skills.

Let me pose a question: What do you think when confronted by a parent whos ideas of the right way to raise a child are completely different to yours?  The truth is, mothers in particular are highly judgmental of other mothers.  Obviously the level of judgement will vary depending on the level of conviction a mother has in her own beliefs of parenting style, but I dare say, all of us have had a moment or two when we have thought “what is she doing? Surely there is a better way?”.  Take a deep look within yourself- do you truly believe that what you are doing is right, or do you put on a confident front to hide the fact that you are really not so sure?  Does anyone ever approach you and tell you what a great job you are doing?  Have you ever said to another mother what a great job they are doing, even if it is not the same job that you are doing?  Maybe we should do this more often.

 

 Another truth: there are so many different ways to raise a child and there is no right way.  There are methods that are recommended by professional bodies, experts and the law to keep our children safe and healthy and I encourage parents to follow such recommendations (such as safe sleeping, nutrition, car restraints etc.).  But the finer details of raising a child remain up to the parent.  All of us will make at least one bad decision when it comes to parenting.  Should we be judged by that?  I don’t think so.  All parents do the best that they can with the knowledge and experience they have at the time.  This is where sites like this come into play.  It offers many different opinions and advice from parents with varied experiences so that other parents may learn, gain knowledge and choose what is best for their own family.

 

 

Most of the time we don’t know the full circumstances that has lead to a parenting choice or a reaction by a parent to a situation.  Childhood experiences, grief, support systems, sleep deprivation, mental illness, age, cultural pressures, generational differences, previous experience with children and what’s happening in day to day life are just an few of what impacts on how we make parenting decisions.  A parent of a child who took many years of desperate trying to conceive may parent very differently to a teenager who feel pregnant accidentally.  A parent who was beaten as a child may be much more aware of the discipline techniques used on their own child.  A parent who has lost a child to cancer may over-react to every fever in subsequent children. The mother who has been up all night with an irritable baby may use a short term solution, although not the best option, may be the best decision at the time.  A parent with depression may take an easy option because that is the only option that he or she can physically and mentally cope with at the time.  A parent going through a difficult separation with a partner will have extra parenting hurdles to overcome.  An overbearing mother in law may also significantly impact the way a child is raised.  Sometimes a decision is made because a parent just does not know the other options available and that there may be a better option.  Offer information in a non-judgemental manner and be approachable during times when support is required.

Our experiences make us who we are and mold our decisions.  This should not give people the right to judge, rather to accept that we are all different.  We all need support and encouragement to build our self esteem and confidence to make us better parents.  All parenting decisions have consequences, but as long as the parents making these decisions are aware of potential outcomes then the consequences are something that they will have to deal with, not you.  I now believe that as long as we strive to raise our children in a safe, healthy, nurturing and loving environment, all the details in between do not matter.  The world may be a better place if we can learn to respect others parenting choices and support each other through the journey.   Promote confidence in each other and accept that there will always be a different way to do things than your own.  Whether you are a laid back or military style kind of parent, respect the choices of others.  You may be right, but someone else may be right too.