Warning This piece contains strong emtional content.

Hi, I'm Raven and I have 7 children, 3 are cherubs.

It seems so easy to write but when I introduce my family, I only ever admit to having 4 children. As I sit and ponder why I

do this, I began to relise how ashamed I felt that I had had miscarriages.

As women we suppose to be able to carry a pregnancy, no problems, but when we lose the pregnancy we see ourselves very differently. That some how we are less then the next woman. Is it true? Are we less valuable? Are we worth even less if we have had multiple miscarriages? Can a value be placed on  women in the first place?

The truth is that we are worth just as much as a woman who has never lost and value is your own belief of your self worth. If it's low, then our value of ourselves is low, if it's high then we are confident. So does it mean we are worth less if we have had multipe losses? The answer is clearly no, you are still worth the same according to your own value.

So why do I find it so hard to admit that I'm a mother of 7?

The answer is really quite simple. Life is important, it is the difference between our past and our future. When we give birth theres a future, a hope. When death occurs it will quickly become the past, nothing more than a memory. Our culture in western society tells us not to dwell or focus on death, not to admit that we are not perfect, that our bodies aren't perfect. Miscarriage has become a dirty word. To even mention the "M" word evokes looks of disapproval, that we should hide our pain behind a steely resolve. Is it because of us? Is it a lack of understanding? Or is it because it confronts the reality of life lost before it ever had a chance to grow?The answer is yes, we evoke everything that society doesn't want to talk about.

So, how did it get like this? A secret only told behind closes doors. I don't know how it happened but I do know it's time that miscarriage came out of the closet. 

A few months ago, I noticed in the birth sections of my major paper, a miscarriage at @ 12wks. What courage to publicly annouce their grief. This I believe is where the answer lies, not letting society dictate what is acceptable grief. When I was hospital with my 2nd loss, I was in my room when they brought in a woman who had to be given strong antibotics. Her pregnancy was put at risk. A nurse asked me how I was doing and I told her. This woman, after the nurse left snapped at me, telling me that I was forbidden to speak of my loss because she didn't want to keep hearing it. I'd only spoke of it once. Knowing what I do now, I would've told her to mind her own business and if she didn't like the sight of my grief, then leave. Although she was in fear, she had no right to dictate societies ideals on me. It was the first time that I felt shame for something I had no control over.

You see thats the problem, we don't want to admit that we have no control over our bodies. It's human nature to want control, but we can have no more control over our bodies then we can control the weather.

Grief over a loss of child not yet born should never be quenched by another nor should society tell us how to grieve when we are hurting. Miscarriage is not a dirty word and is not a secret which should be hidden behind closed doors. Society needs to be educated that it's ok to talk about it, to have memorial ceremonies. Education is the key to breaking open the locks of miscarriages, that we do not have to bound to it's secrecy.

Hi, I'm Raven and I'm a mother of 7, 3 are cherubs, I'm not ashamed anymore.