HELP

hmm I am not sure about this. I agree that if she has the means she should move out of her brothers house. I don't agree though that you should not have young children around an ageing ill adult. I would never give up the time I spent with my great aunt as she died from cancer. I was only very young and it was a very sad time but I learnt so much and I have special memories from my time with her.

 Lexi xxx

 

I don't really see this advice, I see it more as a personal opinion...  You have addressed the situation by really saying what you would do in the same situation.  As a personal opinion, it would be better suited as a comment attached to the question, or in a blog.  It seems you have no empathy for this poor girl at all.  I hope that she managed to find some appropriate advice in the other comments submitted both here, and in Q&A.

If anyone else finds themself in a similar situation - don't despair, and remember to contact the patient's Doctor to get in touch with professional assistance - whether it be a home carer on a regular basis, or someone who can ease the burden by taking her on an outing.  Discuss your concerns with your family if you feel like this, and your own Doctor, it seems like you may have PND on top of all the other stress you are experiencing.

I understand it is very hard to stay with members of family. Do you get the chance to spend any quality time with your child. Children learn what they see. If you are tired, upset because of Grandmas condition perhaps you can talk to the local respite unit , they can give you time out from grandma and during that time use it to find a small place for you and you child. You sound as though you have to much on your shoulders to carry and need to lighten the load. The song "He ain't heavy he's my brother" comes to mind. There are times when you need to share the load and grandma is a burden that you need to share. and your child isn't heavy he's your son.

God bless you during this current trial

Thanks to everyone who has tryed to help.. I spent the last week woth my oldest son and he is doing alot better.. I think !! LOL He's happy and when his dad comes home from work he is all smiles..  I've talked with my dad, it;s his mom.. He thinks that  she took care of him, that he should take care of his mom, but then i told him that i'm the one taking care of his mom. That i have a family two boys, and one more on the way.. SO he is going to help out more, and i'm taking my mom on long walks every night with no children or husbands... When my grandmother gets worse then we will put her into a home, but for now we are going to take care of her.. It's very weird taking care of her, she ask for the weidest things every... She wanted us to put a spice on her cereal.. But we are all getting use to her ways.. Thank you all for your help.

Dawn, I am aghast at your "Advice".  Firstly because you are answering a woman who by her own admission is at the end of her rope & you have used nothing by way of consideration for obvious fragile emotions. "Yeeeaaarrrsss" of experience or not, you might want to try toning down your opinions and honing up on your people skills.  

Not nice when you are slapped in the face with the cold fish of reality is it?? Even when it's written in lower case. 

If someone asks for help you help them. You don't bash them over the head with your opinions.  Oh and by the way, this would have been better off being written under "know a little", which is in direct answer to the question and not written as "Advice".  Just remember you don't know any of these people.  You don't know if she is living on fresh air and a prayer.  She I bet isn't living with her brother because she can afford a room at the local Hilton.  And perhaps her Grandmother doesn't own her own home & does not have the thousands of dollars that it takes to place a person into a decent aged care facility.  My grand father is in one with the same thing, and it costs a fortune, even with his vetrans affairs subsidy.  Not only that but there is a waiting list here in Australia years long.  people litterally have to die, before you can get in.  So maybe you should think first and type later next time.  try reading between the lines.  try placing yourself in someone elses shoes before bestowing the benefit of all your "yeeaarrs" of wisdom upon us. 

okay im not sure i agree with you saying children are apes- im not sure if i missed some kind of joke or not, but it seemed to be used out of context if it was a joke.

sometimes our situation puts us in a place we dont feel we deserve or that isnt quite  perfect. having an gradnmother with alzeihmers is hard enough, but living with her and your brother with their kids must be like a really bad dream! I say this as i have had to live with family before and it is just really straining.

I think that you need to address what is happening in a more firm way, maybe confront your brother and see if they can help discipline their kids.

with that in mind, your son will go to school one day. their will be brats there. he may pick up that behaviour. how would you combat that situation? you cannot literally confront every child's parent and tell them to make their children behave. you should get your son disciplined, so if he is exposed to bad behaviour again he will still behave properly. its hard to do, but can be done :)

We don't know the specifics of the questioner's life. She may have moved in with her brother because of financial hardship. If this is the case, it may not be an option to have the grandma at a nursing home either.

Also, children are a product of a great many things - not just the surrounding. It is entirely possible to raise a well mannered child even if he/she is surrounded by terrible children, it may be hard - but not impossible.

it is a little bit like the different home different rules for kids that have seperated parents... you need to try the tacted that it is okay for them as their parents allow it but you are his mum and you do not find this as acceptable behaviour and that as you are his mum he needs to behave for you... maybe hearing you say to your child that this behaviour is acceptable to the other children's parents and not you may makeyour brother and his wife  take bit offence and start telling their kids not to behave that way too... if son is feeling you all stressed out about his behaviour and your dealing with granma too that could be another reason playing up so much as kids tend to play up when they feel you are stressed because they don't know what is going on and it stresses them too and causes them to play up.... you sound like need to try and get some alone time just you and your son and maybe show him a happy stress free you for a few hours and start rewarding him more for good behaviour and showing him very happy with him when not doing the stuff his cousins are doing and showing him he getting a reward for not doing what they are doing and they aren' t as they still behaving that way

good luck hope can get own place soon!!

It sounds like Lauren is in a really tough situation and needing help. When I was younger, my gran moved in with us and declined rapidly with alzheimers. In her, it also made her generally miserable - I think it can bring out the worst in people somehow, although they have no control over themselves. Moving her in to a home was not only not an option financially, but also morally. My parents are from a generation where you take care of those who took care of you. Sure, a home is a great solution for many but doesn't work for many others. I also think that suggesting she moves out from her brother's fails to address the problem. In life, we have to build on what we are given and cannot always change the situations we are unhappy with.

I agree with the fact that children learn by imitation and so Lauren will have her work cut out if she is trying to impose a different kind of discipline to her brothers idea. I believe she needs to sit down calmly and try to work out with her brother and any other adult involved in caring for the children how discipline and respect can be improved in the house. Not an easy one to tackle and bound to need lots of tact and diplomacy.

Hi Dawn,
Your advice above "IS IN CAPITAL LETTERS LIKE THIS".
This appears as though you are yelling?
Much nicer to read if "it were in lower case like this"
My ears are sore
-- Clay