Re:
Asked by kitti09

Question:
 

It's taken me awhile to get here to ask this question. Today I rang a DV crisis service and after weeks of building up the courage to do so, I felt let down by the lack of

advice or help that I was given. Now, I've read articles online, before my self esteem (already low) had been crushed into the ground due to my relationship, I considered myself a reasonably intelligent individual. So to build up the courage to seek help  and then get let down is a massive blow to me. I want answers so that I can cognitively understand what to do and why this is happening to me. I want to be able to talk to someone without feeling like they're blaming me for what is happening in my relationship.

I want to leave my partner, but I feel enormous guilt because of the children involved. Not to mention I still love this person but I've come to the point where I can see the reality, that is..... that wishing it away isn't going to work.

Can someone offer me some advice, please? I hate asking for help but I don't know where else to ask.

My Advice:

First I want to let you know nothing you have done has made you or your children deserve to be treated with disrespect in anyway shape or form. You like everyone else is very much entitled to be treaded with the upmost respect and nothing less.

You are a very strong woman for even coming forward and saying anything about your situation and I am so glad you did, as that is the first step of acknowledging the situation now is for the part of getting you and your children out.

Now as for what to do to get out of the situation

1. Contact women’s refuges , find friends you can trust and find a place willing to take you in if you decide to leave your partner and that will help to protect you and your children.

Also, let the police be aware that you are planning to set up an escape plan so that you can keep them informed and if anything should go bad that are already aware of the situation and help better to protect you and your kids.

2. Get together an Escape plan.

An escape plan is so that you have set up a way to get you and your children out in the safest way possible. If it means you have to wait until he goes to work or while he is asleep, as long as it is safe for you to get out. And u have bags already packed and hidden.

This bag may include

Money/id ( also if you cannot get your identification items before you leave woman’s refuges can help you with centrelink to get new ones or police can collect these as well if accidentally forget them)

clothes /nappies

phone or telephone card

If injuries have been recorded with photos, keep as this will help with court. Also if you have a journal write down anything you can remember as this will be very helpful for your lawyer when you go to court.

Also with an escape plan, have specific people you trust very dearly aware of this plan for example .......... Women’s refuges, Police, Counsellor, Close friends etc……

What happens if things do not go as planned and you feel in danger (If you ever feel in danger the police can come and remove you and your children from your place and take you to a safe location).

3. Once you and your children are at a safe location and settled go to the courthouse or police can do this and you can get an AVO (Apprehensive Violence Order). This can be placed over your children and yourself sometimes the very same day. It would be called an Interim AVO until you reach a court date for a full AVO to be recorded.

Once this has been put in place contact a legal representative, so that when you go to court you will have someone to fight for you.

If you have photos of any injuries you have sustained show your lawyer as they will be used as evidence in the case.

Also write in that journal anything you feel relevant and if you feel scared write it down and let ur lawyer know.

When you attend court there is companies out there that have domestic  violence support workers that can attend court with you as support shall u need it.

Work with the Woman’s refuges as they will help get life back on track until you can get back on ur feet with the indepence you have before meeting your partner

I hope this may be of some help and if you would like to contact me further, I am more than happy to speak to you all the best and good luck. Stay safe