Whilst I have never tried controlled crying, and never will, I have tried other popular methods of encouraging babies to sleep through the night both with little success. I have tried the advice of child health nurses on settling babies according to a routine, and Tizzie Hall's book "Save Our

Sleep" - which clearly didn't! I have also tried the advice of counsellors from the Australian Breastfeeding Association (who as a rule I never make a breastfeeding decision before consulting). The ABA's general response on settling babies was by throwing the routine out the window, along with your watch and feeding the baby on demand, no matter how often that may be, no matter what age of the child and no matter how little sleep you may get. Whilst breastmilk does release hormones that induce sleep for both mother and baby and is THE easiest way to calm a baby, feeding to sleep can be a difficult habit to break! Finally I have struck upon some more helpful, yet gentle, advice and I want to share it with all you parents of young babies. As I write this, my son, Joshua, is now 11 months old and I am still implementing my own advice written here, so please feel free to try it and let me know whether or not it works for you!

1. AVOID EVER INTRODUCING A DUMMY - This is difficult if your child is bottlefed as they don't get to suck a breast for comfort, however use whatever other settling methods you have available. My son loves cuddling his muslin wrap that we used to swaddle him in. He still occasionally has a dummy (only ever to go to sleep or if he is teething or unwell), which I never wanted to introduce, but didn't know there was a suitable alternative. Read on...hopefully the following techniques should resolve the "need" to use a dummy, but if you have already established a dummy habit this may take some time to wean.

2. IN THE FIRST 8 WEEKS LET THE BABY FEED AS OFTEN AS HE/SHE WANTS. This is the ideal time for bedsharing or having a bassinet beside the bed. I recommend starting the first feed of the day at 7am (ensure the alarm doesn't go off before this time if you can help it) then feed on demand according to baby's hungry cues, without allowing the baby to go more than 4 hrs without a feed. Breastmilk starts off watery and then as the feed continues the baby reaches the creamier, fatty milk. So even when it seems there is not much milk left, the fattier more satisfying milk has been reached. However if the baby becomes fussy and is still hungry you can try offering the other breast. Just make sure you alternate which breast you start from at each feed, otherwise you could end up with painful mastitis. You will often receive well-meaning advice to feed from both breasts, however this often results in mastitis and low milk supply due to an unbalanced supply of milk. I recommend "Milk Bands" to remind you what side you are due to feed on next. They also enable you to keep track of the time of the last feed. Under the age of 6 months don't be too concerned about the frequency of day-time feeds. However hourly daytime feedings could lead to frequent awakenings for small feedings at night, so do try to stretch baby out to 2hrly feeds if possible. Once the baby is 2months old, he/she should gradually be able to go 3 hrs without a feed. Going without feeds for 3 hours at a time during the day increases the chances that the baby will sleep through the night. Going more than 3-4 hours between feedings during the day may leave him/her hungrier during the night

3. SOMETIME AFTER 8 WEEKS, SIT-UP FOR NIGHT TIME FEEDS. I couldn't bare to have my child sleep in the other room even at 6 months. However it was too easy in the middle of the night to bring him into bed with me to feed, so we could both fall back asleep while he fed. Whilst it is recommended to keep your baby in the same room as you for the first 6 months, I recommend you try disciplining yourself to get out of bed to feed, so that you don't fall asleep while feeding. Whilst this may mean more sleep for you now, the idea is to help train your baby to be sleeping better for longer periods at night without needing the breast to fall back to sleep. I still remember how painful those night feedings were...trying to keep myself awake during the feed! It helps sometimes if you jump up as soon as you hear baby cry, use the bathroom and race back to feed baby before he/she wake up too muh. This not only helps wake you up but as you will be drinking more water whilst breastfeeding, this will give you greater patience whilst feeding. If this is not working for you, don't despair. Sleep deprivation often rules out, just put it off for a few nights and then try again when you feel a little refreshed. Catching up on some sleep during the day helps immensely too!

4. Sometime after the age of 8 weeks, DON'T ALLOW THE BABY TO FALL ASLEEP WHILE FEEDING. After following your bedtime routine and giving your baby a feed, place him/her in their cot drowsy but not yet asleep. The baby's last waking memory should be of his bed, not of being held or of being fed. If the baby falls asleep during the feed try changing their nappy to wake them up a little before cuddling and placing back down to sleep. If the baby refuses to go to sleep without sucking, then let them suck for a couple of minutes, before removing the breast/bottle/dummy. Gradually teach them to fall asleep on their own in their cot, without your presence or being able to see you. This is how they will learn to put themselves back to sleep after normal awakenings during the night. This may take some reassurance, some casual pottering around, or in and out of the doorway with a light on in the hallway. Don't expect him/her to go to sleep as soon as you lay him/her down. It often takes 10 to 20 minutes of restlessness and fussiness for a baby to go to sleep. They may roll around and even talk themselves to sleep. Keep an eye out for your baby's tired cues during the day and handle naps the same way. If the baby becomes over-tired be prepared for a little extra assistance in settling to sleep.
I DO NOT RECOMMEND CONTROLLED CRYING! A small intermitent cry is fine, but do not allow your baby to become distressed. Even though some people swear by the effectivenss of this method, it could emotionally harm your baby. Imagine, no matter how hard their efforts to communicate their needs to you, you ignore them, or that they have to get hysterical before you do. Remember babies are emotionally very vulnerable. Think of it this way, even a toddlers tantrum needs to be handled with love and understanding. Whilst standing your ground, you should never ignore your toddlers feelings, the same is true with a young baby.

5. Have you been advised to "dreamfeed", right before YOU go to bed? AFTER THE AGE OF 4 MONTHS DROP THE DREAMFEED! Your baby will start waking up (semi-roused) routinely for this feed and will then usually fall asleep while feeding...thus establishing a poor pattern for the night. I am trying to cease these feeds now at 11 months and find it very difficult as the habit has now been well entrenched. Which also means I can't go to bed early in case he wakes at that time.

My struggle with Joshua's Sleep:
At six months old, nutritionally your baby should be ready to drop the night feeds. Some babies may even drop them sooner. I tried this but struggled due to the bad habits that had been established. I believe the problem I have been having with Joshua is that I have not helped him consistently go BACK to sleep without breastfeeding. I tried weaning him off night time feeds at six months old but because he protested I felt I must have been doing it all wrong and to just face the fact that he must have needed more milk, and thus he ended up in bed with me quite frequently being fed back to sleep! Consequently I believe Joshua may not have had as much of an appetite for solids, and therefore I waited until he was eight months old and more readily accepting his solids before I expected him to be sleeping better and moved him permanently into his own room. This lasted a little while, but then teething began and the habits of feeding in bed in the early hours through to morning resumed. At ten months, Joshua started becoming fussy again with daytime solids, refusing to be spoon-fed but still just mainly playing with his food- leaving me wondering what happened to his hearty appetite. Joshua is now eleven months old and still not sleeping ALL night (he used to sleep for 6 hrs though which is considered "sleeping through") however he has now reverted back to more frequent feeds & having difficulty going down to sleep unless he's in his stroller. He shouldn't be still needing the feeds for hunger at this stage but more for the comfort. However to wean him off it cold turkey means he probably would be hungry as he is replacing his daytime meals with night feedings. I am trying to feed him until he stops vigourously sucking and then remove him from the breast so he will go to sleep without the breast in his mouth - especially important for those middle of the night feeds.

I'll keep you posted with my progress. Please let me know if my advice works for you. If I'm on to something here, I may well be less inclined too cringe at the thought of going through all of this again with a second child!

Well Joshua is now 14months old and I am quite pleased to say that by age 12-13months Joshua has been sleeping from 7:30pm-7am (waking once at 5:30pm-usually for the dummy to be put back in- probably from habit but also think the sunlight may not be helping) for the past couple of months now. I found Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution (the one for toddlers) probably the most useful advice.

I should also mention Joshua was "sleeping through the night" earlier, but after the inital stretch he would wake every couple of hours until morning. Now he is only waking the once after a 10hr stretch.

5 1/2months: 8pm, 10pm-6am (8hrs), 7am... Read More
9 months: 7:30pm - 1:30 (6hrs),3:30am,5:30am,7am
OR: 7:30pm-10pm, 10pm - 4am (6hrs), 5:30/6am, 7am
14 months: 7:30pm - 5:30am (10hrs), 5:30am - 7:00am

hmm...looking back I wonder if what we have achieved at 14 months could have been achieved at 5 months...I sure hope so when it comes to our second child!!

PS. Despite what my article above says...I DID in fact try controlled crying once, when Joshua was 12 months old...NEVER, EVER AGAIN!! He bawled for 1hr or so and then sobbed through his entire 1/2 hr nap. Can't be good for their emotional well-being...actually I have come across some notes on this somewhere...perhaps I should update my article sometime. Anyways enough for today...