Communicating with the literal child: promote understanding and prevent fear

 

Do you feel that sometimes you just can’t understand what your young child is trying to tell you?

 OR you don’t understand why your child is over-reacting to a situation?

 OR that

your child doesn’t seem to comprehend what you are saying?

An interpreter would be nice- the day might run a bit smoother if we could all understand each other- big and small.  Have you ever considered why we don’t understand each other- well adults don’t think like kids and kids don’t think like adults ( like aliens from another planet!).

 

Toddlers and preschoolers typically take comments and explanations literally.  They have not yet grasped the concept that words may have multiple meaning in varying contexts.  As a result, if we don’t explain ourselves with age appropriate language and take these developmental issues into consideration, the child my end up confused, even fearful about an everyday situation for which they don’t understand.  This may mean the difference between a cooperative child and a tantrum-ing child.  I wasn’t aware of the extent of this potential misunderstanding until I did my post graduate in paediatric nursing- even though I work with kids all the time and have 3 of my own.  So I thought I would share- to make that challenging job of parenthood that little bit easier.

THREATENING WORDS – multiple meanings

There are certain words that sound threatening because they have a second meaning that, in a different context would be threatening.  If a child has not associated that word yet in a positive context then the child may believe it to be negative and hence scary.

For example, haircuts.  How many children freak out at the hairdressers?  According to my kids’ hairdresser, quite a few.  Why?  Because this strange person is coming at them with a dangerous implement and invading their personal space without permission.  And just the word hair CUT sounds scary to a child.  To a child, cutting something may mean pain or destruction.  No wonder kids freak out at the thought of a hair CUT.  We can easily reword our intentions by stating that “lets go to the hairdressers and the nice lady is going to make your hair look even more handsome than it already is”.  Sure it s a bit wordier, but its less threatening.

A LITERAL MISUNDERSTANDING- multiple meanings

Again, some words have multiple meanings in differing contexts- A literal meaning and a not-so-literal meaning.

 Example 2: A sick child, already miserable.  Lets take your temperature.  What? Take my temperature? Where are you taking it? What are you going to do with it? I want my temperature exactly where it is thankyou very much!  Sounds silly doesn’t it- but this is how young children think.  They will never be able to articulate these feelings without prompting, so you may never be aware of why there is non-compliance with such a basic request. Being a paediatric nurse, I have to TAKE children’s temperatures all the time- I tell them that I am going to see how hot they are.  I am not taking their temperatures anywhere.

WORD ASSOCIATION and USING THE INCORRECT WORD- multiple meanings

When kids are learning, they draw on their own experiences and make associations to these experiences.  The problem is, at a young age, their experiences are quite limited and hence may associate certain words to certain situations incorrectly.

 Example 3:  We had to put the dog to sleep.  The dog went to sleep, she didn’t wake up, she didn’t come back, what happens when I go to sleep?  Will I ever wake up?  Yes you will wake up, no the dog didn’t just go to sleep- the dog died.  Big difference.  Don’t be afraid to use the real words- it will be easier in the long term.

 

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In conclusion: Be mindful of the language you use around young children.  Assess if the explanation has been understood, and if not- elaborate with simpler words.

As the cognitive ability increases, so will the level of understanding.  The full range of meanings in what we say will eventually be learned, and children will be able to consider all meanings and come their own conclusion and interpretation when they are at this level.  Until then, if it’s worth preventing some fear, confusion and non-compliance, then it may be worth a more thoughtful choice of words.  If you can think like a child and understand what the child understands, then life with children becomes easier.

 Use the correct terms for situations- using fill-in words will only create confusion and incorrect associations.  Even if the right word for the situation is not understood yet, when that word comes up later- there will be a correct situational association for the child to draw on, increasing their understanding.

  As adults, we don’t realize that what we say can be so scary.  It doesn’t sound scary to us, but for a child whose understanding of the world and language is very limited- basic non-threatening words may well be that- threatening.  Hopefully this may be helpful in preventing some fear driven tantrums.