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ADVICE RATING

3.82 (May work) from 12 votes (327 Visits)

body issues

by Dawn

(August 2006) (rank 56th)

My daughter is a beautiful 8-year-old with a giant heart, a bright mind, and a kind personality. She is also slightly overweight--a fact that my sister's older/thinner daughter feels compelled to mention often and ridicule her about. My sister is incredibly defensive and jumps to explain away my niece's "

bad behavior" by saying my daughter is too sensitive. We live in the same neighborhood and see one another (maybe too?) often, so it is a constant problem. How can I keep my daughter's self-esteem intact yet not cause battles within the extended family? Anyone else ever experienced something like this? Thanks!

Go give your daughter a hug and kiss right now and tell her how much you love! You need to talk to your sister, and make her understand how much her daughters comments hurt your daughter! Why is she so defensive? I think her aunt and her cousin owe her an apology! When are people going to realize that what a person looks like on the outside is not a reflection of what they are on the inside. When my oldest daughter was 13, she weighted 260lbs and was made fun of mercilessly! Little kids loved her and she was an excellent babysitter! She ignored the ridicule and is now 24 6ft tall and weigh approx. 130,lbs.an absolute beauty! the other problem is the media, they shove all the skinny girls into your face and expect that you should look like that. At 8 your little girl is starting to notice what other girls look like, and this makes things even harder!

Hi i'm Jessica, Dawn's 20 yr old daughter! I went through the same stuff at that age and I have a suggestion that might help. i am sure that you have heard of Christina Aguilera she has a song called "Beautiful"

here is the second verse You are beautiful no matter what they say

Words can't bring you down

You are beautiful in every single way

Yes, words can't bring you down

So don't you bring me down today

Dawn back again so try this perhaps it will help

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ADVICE RATING

3.82 (May work) from 12 votes

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	4.00 (Good) \| October 2006 \| Girraween

Try not to put one self down

I have stopped complaining about my own weight anxieties in front of my children. It was hurting them as much as myself. I also went out and bought my eight year old a book by American Girls on Taking Care of their Body and it talks about how there is no perfect size and everyone is different as well as eating disorders and normal body changes. Great Book.

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	4.83 (Excellent) \| August 2006 \| ollie71

We should never push our weight values onto children.

I was the on the other end of weight. Under.

There is always an underlying issue.

Mine was a family problem.

People have to learn food is never the answer. Don't just eat because you are happy or sad. It' is there to keep us alive and yes don't get me wrong. I would never pass up a Caramel Tart.

Is your child active? Is her food choices wrong? Does she eat before bed?

Diets will not work it has to be a whole lifestyle change. Balance is the key. I use the same treatment with my children. They must eat their wholemeal bread sanga before that piece of cake.

I'm lucky that my son and daughter seem to be active children. I do let them have TV quiet time. But when it is a fine day. I take them to the park. We play outside in the sand pit. Play hoops. As a parent we have to set an example.

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	August 2006 \| Kate

LOL, Truce! :o)

Works for me, Dawn... and JadieLady; I just don't think you get what I'm saying.

All I was trying to explain is that obesity is such a larger issue that we often realise. In America (including Canada), it is such a big problem; and I just worry that when parents ignore the real problem, the children suffer immensly. Dawn, I think that you have offered some terrific advice; to value and encourage one another regardless of appearance; and I agree with you completley!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| August 2006 \| Dawn

body issues

hold up a moment ladies this is starting to get a little out of control! we all have our own opinions, so lets agree to disagree, And yes I will state that what worked for my daughter may not work for everyone! were we not trying to give advice from what we know to someone who's young daughter was being ridiculed by her older slimmer cousin? i think we have gotten off the point and perhaps should bow out of this one. sorry for any ruffled feathers now lets all take a breath and be freinds

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| August 2006 \| Dawn

body issue

when told that all people come in different shapes and sizes, its because they do! Not all bigger people are overweight, some bigger people are just bigger people and they are quite healthy! the point that I am trying to make is that there is not just one body type, and just because a child may be bigger than another child, this does not mean that he/she has a poor diet, or unhealthy lifestyle. As long as these people eat properly & excerise, there mortality is in no more danger than yours or mine!

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	August 2006 \| Kate

body issue

I'll give that one an excellent vote, because I completley agree with you. We all come in different shapes and sizes etc. I was not referring to body type, but rather childhood obesity (as I thought your advice column was as well).

I hope I haven't offended you, honestly! I just think that this is a really bad problem that our children are facing; and it's important to talk about it freely and with an open mind.

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	3.29 (Average) \| August 2006 \| Kate

Tough Subject

I just don't like to see adults condoning children's unhealthy lifestyles and enabling them to become obese when it is clearly detrimental to their health. By telling kids that being fat is okay (because they are beautifull etc) we are sending a much more harmfull message than by encouraging them to loose weight and be active and healthy. Self esteem aside; I'm talking about mortality here! I realise that parents will probably crucify me for saying this, but I'm convinced that in our busy lives these days we don't get enough excersize and our eating habbits are lost on more convienient food-like options. I do agree that the media portrays an often unhealthy version of "beauty", but parents need stop blaming others and take responsibility for teaching their children positive body image, how to eat properly and make healthy food/ activity choices. We need to encourage them to love their bodies and look after them... and reinfore that message by looking after ourselves and having positive body image too. I'm not trying to be argumentative here, I just think that this is this "flip-side" to your advice... like I said: Tough Subject!

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	3.00 (Average) \| August 2006 \| JadieLady

Tough Subject

I understand what you are saying- and i agree. but lsightly overweight is often misunderstood as it is often puppy fat, or to do with puberty. there is also a difference between 'over weight' and over fat. overweight doesnt take in muscle otne etc, so isnt an accurate way of measuring weight in that regard. if you areconfused or concerned see your doctor who will be able to give you some advice.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| August 2006 \| Kate

Tough Subject

[b]Thanks, JadieLady, but I think you must have misunderstood me.[/b]

[b]No, I’m not confused nor needing advice from a Doctor. I am talking about a 260 lb, 13 year old and others alike. (I am truly pleased to hear that Dawn’s daughter is a foxy healthy woman; however she should have a disclaimer: "results not typical".) I’m talking about overweight and obese as classified by Body Mass Index; not “puppy fat”. I’m talking about fostering healthy lifestyles in our homes and encouraging good self-esteem through respecting our bodies and looking after them by means of eating wholesome foods and exercising. Despite what may come across in my writing, I am not a mother who is going to be calorie counting my children’s food – we all enjoy our ice cream and chocolate! I am, however, going to teach them how to have a balanced lifestyle, and educate them about proper nutrition. [/b]

Obesity is an immensely dangerous problem that is affecting our world today. You need only do a quick web search to see the detrimental effects that our lackadaisical attitudes (about obesity) are generating. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/childhood-obesity/DS00698

[b] [/b]

I absolutely do not condone ridiculing anyone. I do believe that we need to show support to those that are struggling with their weight… but not by listening to Christina or by calling it baby fat. Parents need to be honest with themselves and their children. They are doing their children an appalling disservice by avoiding this issue. In the case of extremely obese kids; it’s tantamount to child abuse.

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	August 2006 \| JadieLady

Tough Subject

I apologise- I did not realise the entirety of the situation.

My new suggestion would be what you have already suggested- making a healthier lifestyle for your whole family. I don't suggest counting calouries as its boring, tiresome, depressing and a major cause of headaches! but eating healthier foods more often - and i still ike my ice cream and occasioanly buy some cookie dough for my own enjoyment, not cooking. get the whole family involved, as you said exercising regularly, and your well on the way :)

HAving the family involvement really gives that suppport she needs, to know she isnt doing it alone. support is something really important and you should be proud you are wanting to help her so much. that is giving her a lot of support already. its also a great way to bond with your family - like going for walks together :)

I wish you luck and please keep us posted with your progress :)

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	August 2006 \| JadieLady

media

even disney movies show that you have to be a stick to be beautiful. try renting the original disney version of snow white. mos t people will tell you she is chubby. WHAT!? she is how we are SUPPOSED to look! and your daughter may just have wide hips and shoulders as i do. besides- ask any guy you know, they prefer girls that arent boney and thin. (maybe they get scared that if they hug them they wil break??)

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