Re: 2 1/2 just not listening
Asked by proud-mommy

Question:
 

My son is 2 1/2 and just does not listen. He's constantly doing the oposite of what i say. I hate yelling, and its very frustrating, Ive smacked his hand for touching

Any suggestions are muchly appreciated: )

thnx

My Advice:

I have a very strong willed young man that has been having "behaviors" since he was about 10 months old. My first bit of advice is to know your child.  Its very easy to look at other moms with well behaved children and think they are doing it all "right" and you are doing it all "wrong". That is not the case. You have your kids, they have theirs, with their own set of issues. Just know your child. What works, and what doesn't. If you aren't a spanker, or if you are...

Here is what I have learned with one VERY strong willed child (who is now 4 and MUCH better... with still some strong willed issues) and one child who is so sensitive that if I used the same techniques her spirit would be crushed.

I got a lot from reading James Dobson's books "Bringing up Boys" and "Strong Willed Child". However keep in mind that he will suggest to spank. So if you disagree, you will want to just use some of the techniques and omit spanking.

Here is what my husband and I did about 2 years ago (right around those terrible twos your going through). My husband and I sat down... when we were not heated and discussed appropriate discipline for specific behaviors that my son exhibited. If he got into things, he was removed with a time out (1 min per year old). If he threw a fit, he was laid in his bed until the fit stopped, if he was mean to his baby sister we spanked (one swat... yes, we are spankers and it worked... use your own judgement for your kids). We did not yell (VERY HARD FOR YOUR END) and we tried not to have ANY reaction. We reacted as soon as the behavior occured. And kept doing it until the behavior stopped.

We would give ONE chance. If they behavior happened, we'd tell him to stop, if he didn't right away he got the punishment. If you have to hold them down in time out, you have to. By reacting the very first time with the preset disciplines you keep yourself from getting to the point where you are so fed up you scream (squashing a child's spirit) and you can keep your blood pressure from rising!

As JAmes Dobson put it in "A Strong Willed Child", if you tell your child 7 times to behave then blow up at the frustration of them disobeying they learn that no real action will take place until the 7th time you tell them to obey. And by this point everyone is in a bind. When you react the very first time no action is taken when you request it, they quickly learn that you mean business, and you mean it NOW!

In my experience it took about 7 days to see a MASSIVE difference in my child. I was calmer, and although I had to hold him down the first couple of times in Time out, within the week there was a very noticable difference. And since my husband sat down a head of time to discuss the disciplines it was the same across the board. My kids knew what to expect from every caregiver. And my peace of mind going to bed at night increased. I knew I was teaching correct behavior without screaming and demeaning my children.

If you have any questions or need me to clear things up, or just to talk. This can be such a hard time in your life and your 2 year olds life. Feel free to message me and rant and rave about how hard it is!