Re: In desperate need of advice or a solution for a very violent 3 year old!!!
Asked by singlemama

Question:
 

Hello Minti parents. I am at this moment a very desperate single mother.

I have a very active three year old

and at first I didn't make much of him having violent outburts towards me and anyone else, because I was told it was normal for the terrible two's stage. He turns three end of August actually, and these past few weeks have been painful, stresful and fearful of what he will do next to me or anyone else.

I recently started working again after struggling for very long to find a proper job to help me provide for my son. Like I said I am a single mother. Before I started at this new job he was alrerady violent, throwing me with stuff, running to the kitchen grabbing a knife wanting to stabb me in rage, swears at me for no reason. That was just before the new job.... After I started working now it got increasingly more that he had these outbursts so I thought he wasn't happy about something and at the end of the day I left my job to try and get him 'normal' again in preparation to put him in a pre-school.

Well now I am too afraid to put him in one, because he lashes out towards anyone and tries to hurt them in anyway possible whether it be by hitting, kicking, even sometimes using a fist to hit. He told me today that he hates me (a three year old saying he hates his mother already), and that really hurts me and scares me that maybe I am doing something wrong with him.

When this first started I tried the naughtymat method and you know the phycological aproach, but that didn't work at all. I don't want to give hidings because the one time I did give him a slap on the hand for keeping to touch the breakware in the kitchen and throwing them, he took a knife and tried cutting me with it telling me i will not do that to him. At this point in time I am ready to hit rockbottom and I don't know what to do anymore.

I am hurt by his actions and I don't know how to handle them anymore. I feel like such a bad mother for letting my son get this way. I have had his hearing and eyesight tested as I was told that could be a factor to his rage. But everything was fine. Now  I am being told by other parents even people without children tell me my son might have ADHD. I undestand nothing about it because it never really bothered me that he might have that.

Day by day the time goes by, I am being hurt, slapped, hit with a fist, kicked, thown with stuff (of which the worst was a chair and glass cup on my head), it's as if he enjoys hurting people.

I love my son but he needs help, I'm really concerned that he will hurt himself or other people bad oneday.

Please help with any advice or suggestions to what I can try to do.

PS the desperate single mom

My Advice:

 

Being a single Mom is not easy.  I'm guessing you don't have family as support as it seems by your explaination you have little assistance.  First I would check with your county, state and see what is available for children who are emotionally disturbed.  Your son sounds similar to what one of my children experienced at that age. 

Children learn by example.  Who is he around, what is he watching on TV?  This is above the average acting out for such a young child.  I spent years resolving the anger (caused by abuse) with my child.  As the Mom you need to be the example.  Get parenting classes, do whatever it takes.  This article may help you: http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Stop-Aggressive-Behavior-in-Young-Children.php?pcode=affiliate0102&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0102&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=86

http://www.consciouseffectiveparenting.info  This site can give access to many articles, suggestions and support. 

BE strong!  As the Mom, we can and do make a difference in raging children's lives!  My child is now 14, straight A's in citizenship.  It is possible to correct this behavior. 

Hugs from another Mother whose has lived this!

Kudos for reaching out.