I’ll start by sharing a quote from a Minti friend here:

“What I want to highlight is that when you're in the middle of it, you can't be bothered trying to fix anything.  You're just so flat and depressed, and often don't realise it.  I

wouldn't be surprised if a lot of PND goes undiagnosed. I did nothing to help myself. 

I did the bare minimum during the day, just enough that my kids were sort of clean and fed, but that's it.  Nothing was enjoyable, and if I could have, I would have stayed in bed.  I didn't go out to see anyone, I didn't exercise, I don't remember what I ate, probably whatever was in my way.  I have described the feeling as lukewarm gruel.  Like someone sapped the colour out of everything in my life.  Things that I would normally take pleasure in became like plain cardboard.”

What is being described here is PND.  Postnatal Depression (PND) is a recognised and treatable illness, which affects approximately 10-15% of mothers and 10% of fathers.

It may come on immediately after the arrival of the baby but can also present later, or go unrecognised for weeks or months.  It is also now being recognised that some mothers start to feel symptoms while they are pregnant.

Most of us have days when we feel down or life just seems too hard, but most of us get through them.  When you find that the days are becoming weeks and you aren't coping or feeling interested in life - then you need to seek help.

Symptoms can include crying for no reason, feeling anxious, loss of interest in things around you, withdrawing from people, changes in eating and sleeping habits, trouble concentrating or making decisions, being angry, irritable or restless, lack of energy, headaches and feelings of sadness, worthlessness or guilt. 

It is common for a depressed mother to feel that she is unable to cope and have irrational fears. It is important to remember that it is the depression that makes her feel like this and that mothers do recover from PND, although it may take time.

I had suffered depression pre-children but, after my children, my symptoms were different so I assured medical staff that I did not have PND. 

My first child, my son, was a stressful pregnancy and an emergency delivery of a small baby.  He did not sleep well or feed well and cried a lot.  I was anxious, not sleeping well, easily upset, unable to cope with simple things, incapable of making decisions and constantly tired.  I was sure I just had sleep deprivation and if only my baby would sleep I would be better. 

But, when I had the same issues with my second baby, who was a much better pregnancy, a natural delivery, who fed well and slept better - well, then I had no excuse.  I admitted something was wrong, I got help and things got a lot better a lot quicker.

So there is a scale of severity and sometimes you may experience different symptoms of depression, but after a while you start to recognise the symptoms and to know what is 'normal' and a bad day and what is an indication something is wrong.

Now I recognise that I have a predisposition to depression and when I am stressed I am more likely to suffer it.  There is a genetic element to it - so I can partly blame my family - but it also seems to be affected by my attitudes.  If you are someone who is often anxious and who sees the negative in situations you are more likely to suffer this illness.

Yes, it is an illness.  There are chemical reasons for depression.  We could just as easily call it Serotonin deficiency without the same stigma as 'depression'.  Depression results when the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain (Serotonin and Noradrenaline) are reduced.  Some of us have lower levels, hence are more susceptible, but stress also reduces the Serotonin levels in our brains, thus opening us up to this illness.

Becoming a parent is a huge stress on you and your body.  Having a difficult pregnancy or birth (or in my case both), a baby with medical issues, feeding or sleeping problems, can be a factor, as can your feelings about parenthood, which are influenced by your past and your own parents.  Often with counselling we can identify the factors that may have contributed, and this can be part of the healing process.  But it can happen to any of us and left undealt with has serious consequences.

It can affect family relationships and cause the breakdown of marriages.  In severe cases mothers can do harm to themselves and their baby and it can also affect the babies natural development and emotional health.

When I was diagnosed I struggled with:

Why Me?
Why Now?
What happens in the future?

I accepted that I needed help - I had children depending on me and I had a child old enough to want to know why Mummy was sad and what was going on.  So I agreed to medication.  The biggest hurdles I faced were my own mental stigma attached to anti-depressants and wondering how long I would be on them for.

When you understand that depression is an illness, you accept that medication is an option.  If you had diabetes you would take medicine without a thought, so why are we so afraid of anti-depressants?  The new ranges are a lot safer, have less side effects and can be taken shorter term (without addiction).  Plus there are medications you can take while breastfeeding. 

Anti-depressants don’t work for everyone and there is a bit of trial and error involved in trying them and sometimes side effects you need to be aware of.  However after a few weeks taking them I felt a lot better, I could think straight again, and felt I was on top of things again.  I only took them for six months, but I know this is fairly unusual and most people take them for somewhere from 6-24 months after delivery.

Once I started to feel better, I wondered where I went from here and I learnt there is a whole lot more to it.  Medication on its own can fix the medical side of the problem - it fixes the imbalance.  But that is only part of the problem.

There are a number of factors that can help, starting with counselling.  I had a one-off session with the psychologist at the local community health centre and she answered a lot of questions and basically gave me the information I needed to understand "why me, why now".  Realistically one is nowhere near enough. 

My GP thinks it should be an ongoing program of 6-12 sessions to address the issues of how you react to stress, to look at your interpersonal relationships and improve negative thinking.

Changing old habits is very hard - whether it is giving up smoking or drinking or learning new diet or exercise routines - but I think the hardest habits to change are your mental ones.  Yet, if you can do it, it is the best gift you can give yourself.  It will make you stronger, healthier and more resilient.

For me, the best reason to do this is to help my children.  Not just for our relationship now, but to help stop them developing depression down the track.  The best way to do this is to give them the right tools to start with - good self esteem, positive thinking habits, helpful relationships and an understanding of how to help themselves when things get hard (as they will at some point).  To model and teach these things I have to create them in myself.

To be able to do this though you have to be in a position of strength - when depression has you in its grips you can't think beyond tomorrow or make decisions, let alone make huge changes.  For me that is where medication came in - it gave me that position I could start from.  Not everyone needs to go down that path and some will choose not to, depending on their circumstances.

There are other more practical things you can do to help yourself:

o Get support - from family and or friends - find people who will understand, care and nurture you - not criticise or tell you to get over it (!)
o Get counselling
o Make sure you get enough sleep and eat well - don't underestimate how much better that can make you feel
o Exercise - releases serotonin in the brain
o Plan simple things you enjoy
o Give yourself a regular routine to get you motivated to get out of bed
o Get outside - sunlight does huge things for your moods
o Ensure people contact - the simple impact of the human voice and eye contact, even when you don't want to be sociable, improves your situation dramatically.  If you are not feeling sociable, maybe ask someone to take you somewhere non-threatening where you don't have to make one-on-one contact but can at least just be around people.
o Avoid alcohol, drugs, gambling and nicotine
o Don’t take on any major stresses or decisions in these first few months
o Encourage yourself – remind yourself of the good things you have achieved today – however small

If I can go back to the quote I shared at the beginning, the same person finished by telling me:

“I forced myself to go out into the sunshine, and to make very small plans to do something each day.  My husband pushed me to exercise, which was good because I wouldn't have done it for myself.  Very quickly it wore off, and everything became bearable again. I don't think it was recognition that stopped the depression, I think the depression was lifting and that's why I recognised it. “

I hope this helps anyone who is struggling with this too.  Can I just encourage you that for most people, there is hope of recovery.  Treatment may last a while and some of us will suffer this illness multiple times, but for most people recovery is a very real option.  The more you can do to help your recovery the better.

And one last point, please don't feel ashamed.  The more open you are with your family and friends the better - not only can they offer you more support but perhaps we make it easier for the next person to recognise it and get the help they need.