Children come in all shapes, sizes and abilities!

I am a mother of two young children and wanted to share my experience regarding my children, and what I have learnt from others.

My little girl, Leala, is now 23 months old but wears 9-12 month clothes. She has always been little, having weighed 5lbs 14oz at birth. She is perfectly proportionate, and eats like a child twice her size, yet she grows and puts on weight ever so slowly. Over the past years, I have heard so many comments from people, ranging from family and friend to health professionals. Some have been supportive, others questioning her health. I know my daughter. I know that she is perfectly fine, just small. I have fought her corner for so long that it is hard not to get defensive and question myself, but anyone can see she is healthy, so my standard line has become "Leala is exactly the right height and weight for her. She is following HER developmental plan exactly". My feeling is that every adult is individual, so why do we feel the need to pigeon-hole babies? Leala is doing precisely what her genes have deemed she will, and no one can expect anything else from her.

Anyway, after more comments, this time directed at her Dad, we agreed that she could be referred to the hospital. She regularly gets colds (she is at nursery!) which make her chest sound rattly, she is very small and still wasn't walking at 20 months. I believe that the Doctor became concerned that she might have Cystic Fibrosis but didn't want to spell it out, yet she left my partner concerned. After a short wait, an appointment at the hospital cancelled and then changed to the Child Development Unit, we had a trip yesterday. More about that coming up...

My second child, Nyle, was born three and a half months ago. He is a different baby altogether. He weighed 8lbs 141/2oz and was very long - at the 91st centile, wheras Leala follows between the 0.4th and 2nd centile. He is a strapping, strong lad (he could stand at two weeks of age), and putting on weight like you wouldn't believe. Of course, this just added fuel to the fire. Interestingly enough, though, his arrival seemed to be just the incentive Leala needed to get up on her feet. Within a fortnight of his coming home, she was stomping around the kitchen as if she had always been walking. Naturally, she needed a round of applause every time she took steps, so she got the attention she needed. I think that perhaps she had been physically able to walk for a while, but needed the right incentive to overcome her reluctance.

Well, she was able to walk in to see the Doctor and Physio unaided, and whilst the Dr ran through her health and development with me, the Physio played with Leala. The Dr agrees with me that the likelihood is that she is just small, and probably will not be taller than 5' (although children can always surprise us). However, the Physio did give me some interesting information. I have always thought that Leala was supple, but because she is my first, I had nothing to compare her with. The Physio, after only 15 mins or so, announced that she hadn't seen such a flexible child in a long time, and that she could tie her in knots.  It transpires that she is "hyper-mobile", a term I understand as "double-jointed". Apparently, in some countries she would be recruited to be trained as a gymnast or ballet dancer, but although she will always be flexible, she is likely to be much slower to jump, hop and run - things that need control. The Physio likened her learning to walk as us learning on roller skates - she has no stable base to work from. I will have to ensure that she stays fit, active and strong so that her muscles support her joints.

So, Leala is fine, just slightly differently built. She has always seemed fairly intelligent, and whilst all her friends were crawling then walking whilst she had still to become mobile, she concentrated on her fine motor skills and speech. She was ahead of her peers with speech, yet now they seem to have evened up as she has switched her learning to physical things. It is nice to be able to explain one area of her physical development, yet I always knew that she would walk when SHE was ready.

Nyle will no doubt walk early. He will overtake her weight-wise within a few months, I anticipate, and already they can wear each others clothes without either looking odd. Yet this doesn't make him any more normal or better than Leala.

Having heard other people struggling to convince relatives that their child IS fine despite not walking / speaking / crawling / eating etc etc, I will always work on the theory that few children can concentrate on both physical and mental skills at the same time. Each child has their own agenda and time scales, and although I can assist, I won't be able to radically change anything in that plan. I know my children. If I have any concerns, I will follow them up without hesitation, and I am always open to advice from people who know, but I will not worry and wring my hands unnecessarily. There is enough to worry about as a parent already, without adding needlessly. I have a great network of friends with similarly-aged children, and the advice and support I get from them is invaluable. I say, trust your instincts and you are probably right.