I have a 3 1/2 year old stepson, i am also 7 1/2 months pregnant. we have full custody of the 3 year old recently like for about 4 months now he hasn't talked to or seen his real mother. when i first starred coming aroud him, he always wanted me to do stuff for him. Now for the past month or so he dosen't want me to do anything for him, when I tell him to do something he just looks at me and walks away. Or I'll tell him to do something he'll look at me, smile, and do the exact opposite. I am trying so hard not to loose my patients with hin but I don't know how to handle this problem. When me or his father tell him to do something he dosen't want to do he will throw a fit, screaming at the top of his lungs, Kick, hit, punch, we try to put him in timeout, but he just gets out as soon as we put him in. He will scream for at least 30 minutes, or until we give him his way. It is so frustrating for me and his father, we have both sat down with him and talked to him about his tantrums, we even have recorded him with the video camera, But with every fit they seem to be getting worse. please someone help me before i loose my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not sure if I can help straight up, but I was in a similar situation when my step daughter was four... I met her when she was four, and we had a language problem... (She is now 10)....... She spoke only French and I spoke only English….
One thing I knew was important. Never try to take the place of the mother, try to be more of a friend. I found I got more respect from her when I calmly explained things…. Mind you at the age of four that is not always easy….
At first I was new, and she always wanted to play with me. After a few months, she was wondering when I was leaving her daddy and going home.. She said she did not want to play with me anymore because I did not speak French. And when her dad had to go out for a few minutes or for dinner and the both of us were left alone together, well all hell would break loose.. And I felt as if I was at the end of my rope, to the point that I was not looking forward to her weekends with us... She would run around the apartment screaming to the point I was afraid the neighbors would call the police.
This all changed when I started to turn everything into a game.... I found the more stupid things I did that made her laugh at me, the better she became with me… Then I would pretend that I only just realized I was making a mistake and have a laugh at myself…. So in turn laughing together…
For example with the language I started picking up a few words of French, so I would mix up the words I would know, and she'd either laugh at me, or she would make some joke (that I usually did not understand, I hope they were nice). And eventually we over came that problem.... She would try to convince me that a squirrel was a dog, and that the color red was actually blue. Dinner time if we were having a soup, I’d offer her a fork, instead of giving her a spoon. If it was steak I'd give her a spoon to cut it with...
She gave me the, you’re not my mother once or twice, and I just explained I know and I was not trying to be... But while she is living with us the rules are a little different, she can do anything she wants at her mums, but when with us she has to listen to us. For some reason that worked!
As for getting him to do as he is told, Patience is the key… He may just be going through a lets test the parents patients game. As did my step daughter…. He is still only young and maybe with all the talk you might be having about the soon to be new arrival, he might be feeling a little left out. Take him out and ask him to help you chose some clothes or toys for the new baby! As with my step daughter she grew up, and realized that this is the way things were… Be tough when you need to be and don’t back down… It is amazing how kids can walk all over you if you let them…. I hope this helps, if not completely at least enough for you to regain some of your sanity….
(September 2006) (
