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I was thinking about family traditions the other day. When I thought back to my own childhood, I was surprised by how many traditions my parents had established for us over the years. For example, it was well known by most of the neighborhood that Saturday night
was pizza night in our household (making it a VERY popular choice for sleepovers!). My mom would make homemade pizza letting us help her out. When it was done, we would watch our favorite shows on TV: Mary Tyler Moore, Carol Burnett (boy, am I dating myself or what!). I didn't even realize it, but I have carried this tradition on with our "movie night." It is something I look forward to every weekend. Of course, most family traditions occur around the holidays. Our tradition at Christmas was a Christmas Eve fondue. We used to fight over who had what skewer (light-heartedly of course). It was a great tradition that has actually been carried on to this day as we still have fondue with my parents on Christmas Eve.
When we think about family rituals as parents, we often fail to realize that they serve many purposes. In her book The Book of New Family Traditions, Meg Cox differentiates between traditions and rituals in this way: The dictionary says that traditions are "beliefs and customs handed down from generation to generation," whereas a ritual is "an action repeated" or "an established procedure for a religious or other rite." She points out that anthropologists have never found a human culture without rituals. I alway tell the parents that I work with that structure helps children feel safe. Daily structure or routine is a ritual in itself, isn't it? She points out ten things rituals do for children:
- Imparts a sense of identity
- Provides comfort and security
- Helps them to navigate change
- Teaches values
- Passes on ethnic or religious heritage
- Teaches practical skills
- Solves problems
- Keeps alive a sense of departed family members
- Helps heal from loss or trauma
- Generates wonderful memories
Examples of rituals include holidays, family ceremonies (e.g., birthdays, anniversaries, etc.), rites of passage, as well as daily, weekly and monthly rituals (e.g., dinner at the table, movie night, game night, etc.). Here's are some of the rituals that have gotten thumbs up from my kids:
- Balloon Forest: Decorate the dining room on your child's birthday with 25 to 30 regular balloons inflated with helium. Let them bounce up to the ceiling keeping the ribbons long. They get so excited when they see all the balloons!
- Pep Talk in Chalk: Write messages on the side walk using sidewalk chalk such as "good luck" or "have fun" on the first day of school. They love it! What a great way to start their first day back.
- Playing hooky: Once a year, I pick my son up early from school and he and I go do something fun, e.g., a movie, etc. He has no idea when this day is coming or what we will be doing. For the record, I do this on a day when it will not interfere with any important school lessons or tests.
- Yes Day: Have your child write down things they can't do at the moment (like wear their pajamas all day) and put it in the "yes jar." Once a month on "yes day" have them pull a request from the jar and let them do it. Make sure it is a day where you are going to be able to accommodate their requests!
- Monster Spray: Take a spray bottle and fill it with water and some food coloring. At bedtime, spray the monsters under the bed, closet, etc. Great way to ease night time fears!
- Ice cream for breakfast.
- A day off from chores!
Were you surprised to learn of all the benefits of rituals? I was surprised by how many we already had in place! Do you have any fun rituals that you do with your family? If so, what are they? Post for all to see!
(September 2006) (
