Do I Work or Stay at Home?

I have two little children and am currently on maternity leave as my second is just 3 months old. I took a year off work after the birth of my daughter, and found out that I was pregnant again my first week back at work - I didn't expect it to happen quite so quickly! I intend to take another year of work on maternity leave with my boy.

I guess that for me, the question of whether to stay at home or return to work was always an easy one. I do like my job and, being mercenary, I have an excellent pension scheme, so I want to make the most of it. I will be able to retire at 49 after 30 years work, and that's not something I can afford to throw away when I am already 36. However, there was always the question of how long to take off work on maternity leave.

With my daughter, I knew that we could afford for me to take the time off. Because of our drop in salary, we would get some financial help from the Government (although nothing major) and all the time I was at home I wouldn't need to pay for childcare. I was looking forward to the time off to bond with and care for my little girl. I don't think I really knew what I was going to face, though.

Leala was the easiest baby on the planet. She rarely, almost never cried, was content to sit on her own and play for a long time (who was I to interfere when she was happy) and was easy to read so I could always get her what she wanted. I loved her dearly (and obviously still do) but I must confess that by the time she was 6 months old I could feel I was getting depressed. I had spent all my adult life working in an interesting job, going to adult education courses in the evening, and now my day's focus was on nappies, feeding and sleeps. I was ecstatic if she slept for half an hour a day (there's always a down side, even with good babies!) and so never got time just to myself to do chores or relax. I never really knew what to do with her, and apart from singing groups and meeting a few friends, I found my days becoming dull. Fortunately, around that time I found a business opportunity and became self employed. I could take her out to work with me, had a reason for going out the house, could use my brain again and found a new focus to my days. Sadly, at the time when I could have done more things with her, around her first birthday, I returned to work - my "real" job.

I must say, though, that working three days a week was a lovely balance for me. I enrolled Leala at a local nursery and as she is such a social child, she loved it. They did activities with her that I wouldn't have even tried - they were painting, sticking and making cakes, when all I thought she could do was play with a few toys. She absolutely thrived, and it assuaged my guilt at abandoning her all day. I got to be an adult again, to have lunch ALL ON MY OWN and hold conversations with people without constantly glancing to see what she was up to. To say that being at work was easier was definately true for me. As a result, the remaining four days a week were more precious. We packed lots of things (perhaps too much) in to that time, and loved being together. The big difficulty with work was that my boss, a woman my age without children, seemed to want a full week's work out of me in just three days, and I did feel that work were getting their money's worth. That said, I couldn't work too many extra hours as I had to pick Leala up from nursery, so I had to learn that if I couldn't do it in the time, I couldn't do it, whereas in the past I would have worked longer.

I admire women who can stay home full time immensely. If they can do all of those things that nursery do - painting, making biscuits, playing with water and musical instruments, then they are doing far more than I could. Whenever I was home without plans, I would go out shopping, visit my parents or do household chores. I always tried to get out of the house as I felt tied to it otherwise. I never really let Leala potter around and play with her toys because I argued to myself that she got bored. I think that the truth was that I got bored.

Now that I have two and Leala is at such a fun age, I love being at home. I have to confess that Leala is still at nursery two days a week. I can devote attention to my son without her getting jealous and Leala can keep in her routine. She loves nursey and I would feel mean depriving her of it. I will be going back to work three days a week when Nyle is one, but that is more because I will probably not get to keep my hard-fought job if I don't - I would be redeployed into something less interesting. I know that I will only just be earning enough to cover childcare and petrol costs for the first 9 months until Leala is entitled to some free childcare, and so effectively working for free, but I am prepared to do that to keep my job. I do feel a bit sad that I will be going back to work when we could all be having so much fun, but four days at work at home is more than half the week, so I think this will work for us.

I have heard people who deplore those that have children and then let others raise them, but I see that they are getting a wider range of influences. It's lovely to see when Leala does something that I didn't know she could do (like the actions to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star") and I think it keeps her life more interesting. I just hope that Nyle is as well suited to the nursery environment.

I am happy with my plans. The work / life balance suits me and, I hope, them. However it will no doubt not suit all. I like the fact that my salary will eventually make life a little easier for us (once Leala's childcare is cheaper), that I will be able to do a job I enjoy and still spend most of my time with my children. I haven't done this before, so I take inspiration for activities from nursery. They have also sorted out her fussy eating habits and will get to share the joy of potty training! I hope that everyone can find a solution that suits them.