How to deal with a 4 year old who never stops talking!

My son ... love him.,.. but boy oh boy he could talk a person to sleep .. he has what we lovingly call verbal diarhea .. non stop .. it was a concern to me as his chatter was starting to get disturbing (he talks to ummm invisible people?) but we now know that it is a trait of Aspergers Autism, which he was diagnosed with about 6 months ago. He literally does not stop talking, even sleep talks... and is incredibly imaginative when he talks, he takes on several roles while he chatters to himself.. ie the principle, the student, the teacher, the parent .. all in a matter of 5 minutes or less .. and yes it drives me batty some days but I have to remind him (and myself as well ) that there is a time and place for talking, and when he gets loud (which happens frequently as well ) I do a count system (1, 2, 3 magic) and this generally helps him to remember ... dont stop them from talking, just make it clear that they need to listen too ...

This advice comes from my sister. She did a little research on “compulsive talkers” and here is some of the information she found, followed by her suggestions and advice for parents of children who appear to be “compulsive talkers”.

“An Exploratory Investigation of the Characteristics of Compulsive Talkers:

Few persons are more irritating than those who talk too much. While many individuals are "talkative," most are within the bounds of social acceptability. However, there is a degree of talkativeness that goes far beyond the bounds of social acceptability and that many persons find to be highly unpleasant. Some use the term "compulsive"(1) when describing such individuals. When a compulsive talker is involved in an interpersonal interaction, participants react with irritation, impatience, and disgust. Compulsive talkers seem to overvalue the quality of their contribution and signal (through refusal to listen) that others' ideas are unimportant. Worse, they often seem unaware of their problem. Regardless of cause, there seems to be universal agreement that talkers are a problem, both to themselves and to others. Accordingly, information about talkers would be useful in helping talkers control this behavior.”

 

“In an earlier investigation (Bostrom, Grant, Davis, & Einerson, 1990), two factors emerged that seemed to serve as reasonable criteria for the designation of "talkers:" (1) in an interpersonal interaction, they literally talk "nonstop," and only give way when another interactant begins talking, and (2) their talking is perceived by others as a problem. The behavior of talkers is a serious problem, not only affecting the talkers but those who work and live with them.”

My sister wishes to add the following advice and suggestions to my original advice above:

1.) Has the child been tested for being "gifted"?

2.) What is his diet like? If he is prone to this - he should avoid caffeine at all costs. Refined sugar and processed foods should also not be handed out liberally.

3.) Does he have a regular routine? Has he always talked compulsively or was there a big change that might have triggered it?

4) Does he get enough quality one-on-one attention from primary care givers?

In any event:

Training to speak less and listen more.

1.) Listening games. Read to the child at bedtime. Start with a short story that can finish in 2-5mins and tell him that there is a prize for staying quiet for the whole story. At the end of the story he can ask questions and talk for 5mins.  Make the story time longer when he consistently can keep quiet 3 nights in row. Always 5mins at the end where he can say whatever he wants and you listen with eye contact and respond.

Play charades and miming games. Hide and seek

Make sure they are all things your child can win at and enjoy. Tempting as it may be, DO NOT let them hide for too long so that they jump out and break their silence - that is just enforcing that they fail to be silent.

Make silent contemplation and listening fun.

Must be short and often

Do these things for short periods often in the day - not once a day for a long time.

Suggestions - all must be done with sense of playfulness and fun:

Miming

1 minute miming game at the very start of each day. You have 1 minute  to guess the animal he is miming. If you guess it right - he can do another one. Use a clock so he can see for himself. Don't drag out getting them right. This will just make him think he can't communicate without words. 5 seconds is enough per animal - then lots of praise. Give him a star for that each morning that he can put on the chart himself.

Pick up from school

A small prize or star for staying quiet for the first 40 seconds when you pick up from school. During the 40 seconds he must think about the first 5 -8 words he will say, and you will be trying to guess them during that 40 seconds.

After 40 seconds you say "I think you are planning to say "Hello dad. I’m an orange"

Every few days you can say "As we step into the house neither of us may talk for 40 seconds and we must walk like we are on the moon. This is to reinforce keeping quiet together and calmly entering your home. If you do this everyday it will become boring so just do it for fun some days.

After this you can get him to fetch the clock and you can book, "time alone with your thoughts".

This is a 15 minute slot when he needs to let you have your attention to yourself and your thoughts, as this is what you would like to do - just like he likes to play with whatever.

Take 20 coloured sticks or beads each per day - quite big things so they are not lost and can easily be accessed. -

Each time you want to say something you put a bead or stick in the jar.  At the end of each day you can cash in the remaining beads or sticks for something valued - each bead can represent 5 extra minutes in the park or on the play station, or a star etc. For you it can be anything but NOT extra silence from him.

Don't allow him too few beads/sticks otherwise he will fail and hate the game. If it is easy to do, at least for the first week, he will like it and become accustomed to it.

Basically even if he doesn't stop being such a talker - it will help him be aware of when he is talking and help him to be aware of other people needing quiet time to themselves.

Extra comment from Goldilox:

This will benefit him immensely in his social skills, and will help him to get along with, and be accepted by, others. Helping him to learn to respect others’ time and space, and learning to listen, will help him immeasurably in school, and then as an adult.

 

I think fabulous that he has so much to say, why would you want to shut him up, my kids never shut up but if they were not talking I would be worried.   And if you have a headache take a pain killer dont blame your son he has so much wonderful energy.