Dealing with loss/death - Adolescents

I recently attended my Grandmother's funeral, she was a wonderful lady and it was an emotional day filled with memories and thoughts of my Granny.

It made me think about how one deals with death or loss with adolescents and I found some excellent advice through the Australian based National Association for Loss and Grief.  Here are some of their suggestions:

The young person’s reactions... Young people may give adult caregivers mixed messages. They may hide their true feelings and thoughts and pretend that everything is O.K.

When attempting to understand adolescent grief you need to consider the young person’s age and level of maturity as well as the nature of the loss encountered. Such losses may include death, termination of a pregnancy, sexual assault, death of a pet, and divorce. Young people, unlike children, are more likely to understand that death is final and permanent. However, there is a tendency for young people to consider themselves immortal.

Many emotions occur for the young grieving person, including shock, guilt, anger, and extreme sadness. There are may be changes in behaviour such as going back to younger behaviours, tears, anxiety, withdrawal, thoughts of suicide, an increase or decrease in sexual activity and possibly the use of drugs/ or alcohol to help block feelings. Young people react in a similar way to adults, with reactions to the loss unique and individual for each.  

Talking about the loss... Talking about the loss may help in releasing feelings and thoughts and prevent young people bottling-up (closing off from others) unnecessarily.

1. Clear, simple, truthful information will prevent mis-interpretations,
2. assumptions and fantasising about the unknown.
3. Information may need to be repeated several times as it is difficult to take in all information at once.
4. The young person may need to talk more than once and to share his/her thoughts and feelings, so adults need to be prepared to listen.
5. Encourage questions.
6. Encourage the telling of stories and sharing of memories about the loss.
7. Support the young person through the funeral and encourage as much participation as possible, without being forceful or demanding.
8. Allow the young person to make his/her own decisions. Dictating to the young person and making decisions will not be effective, unless you have been given permission.

1. Attempt to understand the young person’s behaviour, views and the impact the loss may have for him/her.
2. Talk freely about the loss without giving advice.
3. Encourage the adolescent to share his/her experience. Try not to avoid the subject, which may leave the young person feeling alone and isolated.
4. Photo’s may assist in sharing special moments and memories.
5. Encourage talking about dreams as these may assist with important insights into unconscious thoughts and beliefs.
6. Suggest writing a letter. This can be helpful because it allows safe self expression. It might also be a way to work through unresolved issues, as well as saying goodbye.
7. Creative activities such as poems or a collage of words and/or pictures that remind the young person of the loss is a way to express emotions positively.
8. Attending the funeral, lighting candles in memory of the loss and visiting significant places may also be beneficial to the young person.