The Power of Traditions and the impact it had on my sister as she was dying..

Traditions are so important for a family.  This is my story of the impact they have had on my family.

My sister was never able to have children.  She was diagnosed at the age of 16 with Lupus. My sister, despit her illness, became a very successful woman. 

She worked very hard and became a Health Psychologist.  She spent a year at Yale completing research.  She went on to teach at a university in Cleveland, Ohio for quite some time.  During her life she traveled to Asia, Europe several times, Australia, Mexico, the Bahamas many times, and many other places.  Unfortunately,  years ago she became so sick that she could not work.  I spent weeks sleeping on a chair beside her bed so that I could  help her decide what treatment was ok and to check that the Doctors and nurses were doing what they needed to do.  When she was released from the hospital, my daughters would come and we would go and stay at her apartment with her hanging her antibiotics, giving her her shots, and chasing my daughters around her apartment!  I will never forget when my daughter described with an empty water how to hang the antibiotic! We were on our way home from a shopping trip with my sister.

 We finally persuaded her to move back to Indiana so she could be closer to the family and we could all help take care of her with my mother.  My sister and I were always close.  When my children were born, they became the children she never had.  She was always the Fairy Godmother to my children.  It took some time to help her realize that she didn't need to send them toys in the mail every week.  She just needed to spend time with them since she was so close in proximity.  She saw the different traditions that I had put in my place for my family.   We brainstormed different traditions that she could do with my daughters so that she could have her own traditions with the girls.   It was so easy for us to think of things she could do- the Nutcracker Ballet at Christmas, monthly spa sleepovers complete with new hair do's, painted nails and toes, wearing her Tiffany jewelry and diamonds, and trips to Dairy Queen to talk about our week.  I loved to sit and chat with her over a good cup of coffee every couple of weeks. 

In the Fall of 2004 my sister became very sick again.  She spent the next two months in the Intensive Care Unit.  We did get transfered her to a Hospital two hours away for the last 30 days.  I began to call my Mom daily to get updates on my sister.  I spent time in Indianapolis when I could get away from my teaching job and family.  When my sister was in the hospital, someone always stayed either in the room or lounge so we would be close. My sister was in so much pain and getting worse.  I particularly remember one phone in which my Mom told me that she was pretty much out of it due to all the medications and treatments.  She spent quite some time in this manner.  My sister was constantly mumbling and talking.  My Uncle didn't understand what she was saying.  However, my Mom could easily understand what she was saying.  She wasn't reliving her research at yale, her trip to Asia, Australia, or trips to Europe.  She wasn't reliving all the hours spent on articles she had published, or scuba diving in Key West or Mexico, or even the Conferences she had presented at as a Health Pyschologist.  She was reliving the "little things"- the traditions- that she had done with my daughters.  She was reliving make up parties with frosted lip gloss and curling Shae's long brown hair.  She was going to Dairy Queen to talk about the week and eating cherry berry smoothies.  She was painting little fingers and toenails with bright pink and red colors.  She was watching and commenting to Shae about the moves in the Nutcracker Ballet on a snowy evening in December.  She was whispering to Shae about the next time they would be getting together.

It gave me so much comfort to know that in the last few months that she had those memories- the little things- we created together.  My sister, Dr. Tholt, passed away in December 2004.

I never really thought about how much the impact of our traditions had on my sister.  I always thought that this would be something that my children would remember.  I will never forget that phone call or when I heard my sister in those last few days. 

I hope that you take the time to create a tradition with your parent, your child's grandparent, or even an Uncle or Aunt.  It is amazing what the impact of the "little things" that we do have on another individual. 

Julie Pettibone