Giving up the dummy!!

We went through all the grief associated with giving up dummies (pacifiers) just recently! I have a husband who works away alot so step 1 in my strategy was to wait until he was away!! He very much wanted the dummy obsession to end but had and would have continued

Ok, so we have a 7 yr old(yep, thats right 7 glorious yrs of sleep thanks to those stinky horrible rubber things that were once my saviour!) and a now 5 yr old. Lets set the scene. Our son was nearly 4 when I decided enough was enough. Our daughers case was going to be abit tougher so I decided to wait and tackle him first (figured he hadn't had his dummy as long!). Both of our kids had not just the one dummy, but son had 2 and daughter had 3!!!

After much fretting I decided quite spontaneously that tonight was the night! Both of our kids are avid believers in fairies so I decided to go with this (worry about that little facade at a later date - one problem at a time!). I spoke with my son just before bed time and asked him if he'd like to leave his dummies out for the 'dummy fairy'. Quite unexpectedly he said yes and he decided where he wanted to leave them. The whole evening I have to say was surprisingly smooth sailing. He was out like a light pretty quickly and once i'd ascertained that he was indeed asleep, I pinched myself and proceeded to get creative in the construction of a 'fairy voucher' (had no stocks of rewards in the cupboard - remember my spontaneous decision1 If you plan this you dont need to spend 2 hours making vouchers!).So i decorated a piece of paper and made up a little poem, and informed the lucky lad that he could go to the toy store and chose himself a present from the fairies. HE LOVED IT. There were no questions asked and we were at the shop the next morning, with me reminding him that the fairies had to share around their vouchers so he couldn't have the $100 remote controlled car! Anyway, he picked his Bob the Builder truck and was as pleaed as punch. Never looked back.

Our daughter was another kettle of fish. I had put this off so many times because I knew that if I started it would be so much harder for her if I gave in and gave the dummies back to her. After years of discussions and being told that the time to leave the dummies for the dummy fairy needed to be her decision, we had reached a much talked about cross roads - her baby teeth were falling out and the adult replacements were on their way through. Now we are talking about a pretty mature little girl here who has always been very involved in decisions made concerning her. This particular evening (dad was away!) her steely resolve was shining through as she agreed to try and sleep without the dummies. We had tried this a few times in the past but when she got upset and 'beside herself' we would let her have them back - we basically didn't have the energy and weren't really motivated enough to see her upset. But for some reason this evening i'd decided it was now or never. My daughter was keen to have a go (lots of talk about braces, that the fairies needed these dummies to make new ones for new babies  and she was quite aware that her little brother had succeeded at this). We decided together that I should hide the dummies as she thought she'd just get up and get them if she knew their  whereabouts. Anyway, she did abit of reading, turned out her light and so began a long and tortuous evening. I got ready for bed and went to watch TV on the couch. She started the usual visits to the couch 'i can't sleep' - quite calm at trhis stage. About an hour later thehysteria and rage had set in so I talked her down. We had talked earlier about previous attemps to give up the dummy and what she felt like then. So now we went over that conversation and I told her that if she could try to keep her body and her mind calm when she felt herself getting teary and breathing fast, it was much more likely that her body would be able to fall asleep. I reminded her that her body would fall asleep eventually if she could just keep it calm. She was very upset but we breathed together (never done this before)and talked about things that relax her and she went back to bed. I then decided that the only way I could tough this out was by pretending to be asleep! So I left the TV on  and lay on the couch with my eyes closed, actually trying not to fall asleep incase i needed to make another voucher!! I heard her come downstairs about 15minutes later sobbing, I kept my eyes shut and ignored her. She went back to bed. Out she came 10 minutes later crying again but not hysterical. I slept on! I didn't dare move for another 1/2 an hour.

I had put our daughter to bed at about 7.15pm. She made her last visit to the couch at about 9.15pm. At exactly 10.10pm I held my breath and peeked around her door - SHE WAS ASLEEP!!!!!! I couldn't believe it. She'd decided to do it and she did - I was so proud of her (not to mention myself!). I promply rang my husband and set about creating another poetic masterpiece from the dummy fairy - taking care to use only craft material my daughter had not seen before - she's pretty switched on and I couldn't deal with a 7 yr olds fairy dreams being shattered right then too!

My daugher gave up her dummies in Dec last year (2005). It took several weeks for her sleeping patterns to even themselves out and even now she does not sleep as late in the mornings so she's often grumpier than before - though that could just be growing up. She was hugely dependent on them and because we only let her have them for sleeping she would hang around in bed until past 8am on weekends. But I can't tell you what it's done for her confidence and self respect at achieving something that she had talked about for so long.

So parents out there in a similar predicament, all I can tell you is to find out what motivates your child. What works for them. For my 4 yr old boy the toy did the trick, though when he agreed to have a go he didn't know exactly what he might get, just that the dummy fairy would perhaps leave him something. For my 7 yr old daughter, it was sheer willpower and determination, combined with a little anticapation about what the fairy might leave her.  At the end of the day I personally figured that dummy sucking wasn't going to hurt them! There are far worse habits they can have. Then I hoped my daughter would become self conscious enough when starting school to give them up - not to be. Then she would ask me about it so we had a few failed attempts. But she kept asking so I knew she wanted me to do something about it .The biggest reward for her has been the self satisfaction and you cant buy that!! So be determined but work with your child - between you you'll strike the right balance.