The Shrunk Adult – your child

Lets say that I’m coming to your home for the weekend.

Why? Well – imagine that a company would approach you and asked if I can be your guest over the weekend, and in return you’ll receive a HUGE amount of money. So you signed the contract

The problem is that you don’t understand my language and I don’t understand yours. The company that sent me didn’t give you many details about me. What they told you is that my flight is a real long one, and most probably I’ll be tired and hungry when I’ll arrive. The only thing you know is that if I won’t be happy at the end of the weekend – you will not get your money.

On Friday afternoon I knock on your door. You open it with a smile, and since we both don’t speak the same language – you invite me in with hand gestures. Luckily – I understand and I walk in. The minute I enter, you notice the “black rings” around my eyes, indicating how tiered I am. You’re not sure whether I want to eat before going to have a rest, so you take my hand (remember – we can’t talk) and show me the cheese sandwiches plate you made for me, as a snack. I gaze at the sandwiches and you notice that I’m fighting to keep my eyelids open.

You decide to postpone the snack, then take me to the guest room and show me the bed. With hand gestures you try to explain to me to go to sleep. And then you close the door and leave me in the guest room.

The L-O-N-G weekend goes on, while you’re trying to do your best, and finally I’m leaving at the end of the weekend. Couple of days later you receive a letter from the company stating that unfortunately you’re not entitled to the money. Why? The letter states that my bed had only one pillow (and I like two), you left a night-light in my room (and I like to sleep in the dark), and you made for dinner rice, which I really hate.

The letter stated that although we couldn’t talk to one another – I was disappointed that you didn’t try to communicate with me some how, to see what I like or dislike.

Sounds funny? Sounds sad?

Now imagine that this whole story (which could have been much longer…) was about your baby/toddler. He or she arrived to your world – without manual. No instructions. Your price for having this baby is… priceless. But your baby needs to be happy.

This is were the approach of The Shrunk Adult comes handy. Your baby, your toddler, your child – is just like you, me, your partner and the man that serves you in the fuel station. But since we’re all different from one another – so is your child. He/she is just like any other adult. He/she has needs. Dislikes. Hates. Fears. But – all of them are shrunk.

My point is that babies and toddlers should be treated as adults. Even if they can’t express themselves with the language you know – they still have their own language (cry, facial expressions, body language) that you can learn and try to understand. I’m not saying it’s easy – but it can be done.

At the age of one month old, my son used to cry every time after bath, while I was trying to dry him with the towel. I had no idea what the problem was. One day, my aunt told me to ask him. I said to her: “ask him? He’s a month old baby?!” Then my aunt gave me the best advice I ever got: “talk to him like an adult. But remember he’s a shrunk adult. Ask him. Try to understand him”. So I tried. One evening, when the crying started while drying him, I picked him up wrapped with the towel and said “Gilad, why are you crying? What’s wrong? Is there something I can do to make you feel better…” I kept talking like that (and believe me, as much as it sounds ridicules to you, it felt really ridicules to me talking like that to a month old baby…). While I was talking – he stopped crying. And he was looking at me, listening to my words. Now, I know he didn’t understand anything – but it worked. I discovered that he doesn’t like to lie down after bath. He likes to be dried “sitting” on me.

Ever since then, I treat my son as a “Shrunk Adult”, I talk to him, I explain – but I “shrink” my explanations to his age level. And it works.

A great example is the... Tantrum! I hate that word! If a child has “tantrum” – in my opinion it’s because his parents or those who took care of him didn’t listen to him, didn’t understand him, and didn’t treat him with respect. When I see a child on the floor crying and kicking, and his parents say “oh leave him, he’s having a tantrum” – my blood boils! This child is having a “tantrum” because someone made him very unhappy and didn’t give the right explanation and support. Tantrum is unfortunately part of the adult’s language – not the shrunk adults! Children that are having a “tantrum” are misunderstood and are so miserable!

Next time your child is having a “tantrum”, instead of leaving him – try to imagine that he/she is a grown-up that is a guest in your home, and that for some reason you need to make him/her really happy. Try to find a solution in your head for that imaginary guest – and “shrink” it to help your child.

Sleeping problem? Try to look at it from the baby/child’s point of view. Maybe the room is too dark? Maybe there’s too much light? Maybe this child likes music in his room (like my son does), and maybe that baby likes everything quiet while falling asleep (I know I do!). Maybe …. The list can go on and on – just remember that your child, no matter what age - is just like any other adult who has his likes and dislikes while going to sleep.

By treating my son as a Shrunk Adult – I have a very happy child in my house, a very understanding one, and yes – a much clever one. He's not perfect - but he is A SHRUNK ADULT.

And on the same level – he has very happy and proud parents.

It’s never too late to start treating your child as a Shrunk Adult. As a baby, a toddler or a child. Treat your child as a Shrunk Adult – and you will have a much happier child.