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How to speak to your child's teacher about a problem. |
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by dramamom  (September 2006) (rank 37th) |
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Has this ever happened to you? Your child comes home from school complaining about a problem she had on the playground with another student, again. You are surprised to hear that her teacher still hasn't done anything about it. You feel that the situation is serious enough to warrant
some sort of intervention. Maybe your child has been hurt or it seems like she is being bullied. You feel your "mother or father bear" persona taking control and you want to get on the phone and let that teacher have a piece of your mind. But inside a little voice is telling you that may not be the best way to handle this. What do you do? How can you get your point across without sounding like a crazy parent?
I have never been on the parent side of this sort of situation since my daughter is only 16 months old; but I was a teacher and if there is one bit of advice I would give to parents it would be about this.
Please take a few deep breaths and get rid of "mother or father bear". Then, call or email the teacher. I preferred email since I could take the time to formulate my thoughts and respond in a rational, informed way by email or phone. There are a few things you might want to keep in mind. First, the teacher may not even know what has happened. Your child may not have told her and there are so many things that happen on the playground that, despite lots of supervision, teachers just don't see. Second, regardless of how much your child's teacher knows, she will want to help. Third, the story that comes home may not be exactly what happened. Every person has a different view of every situation. Fourth, the teacher has other students, too, sometimes there can be more than 30 kids in a class. This doesn't mean that your child is less important than others, it just means there are lots of children to think about. Fifth, the teacher may not know the best course of action either. We are sometimes just as clueless about how to get kids to behave and get along some days. I know I have felt that way about some of my students.
When you do talk to your child's teacher, make her aware of the situation in a way that doesn't cause her to feel like she has to defend herself. Give her a chance to recall the problem or react to it if this is new information. Work together to come up with a good solution, possibly involving the other child's family as well. Then, a few days later, feel free to follow up with the teacher, making sure you chat with your child about how things are going.
If you are unhappy with how the teacher has handled the situation, you have every right to talk to the principal; but only after you have spoken to the teacher about another course of action. I remember one parent of a student of mine, who went straight to the principal about a bullying problem. She hadn't even spoken to me about it and I had no idea it was happening, especially since the students were very well-behaved in class. When my principal spoke to me about it, I felt like she didn't trust me with her child. I actually felt like less of a teacher. But there have been many times when a parent and I have worked well together to solve a problem and things worked out so well that the children ended up being good friends.
Remember, teachers care about your children, too. They want to do their best. Help them by being understanding and working together.
