With events in the world right now, this seems to be such a pertinant issue. I, myself, went through this, having been married to a US Marine for 2 years. The deployment began 4 months after we were married, and my son was devastated and confused. Irregardless of the age of
the child, deployment affects children as much, and sometimes moreso, than it affects the adults involved. Some tips for helping them through it:
1. Talk to your child. Explain that the deployed service member has a job. As part of this job, they are going to travel to another place, far away, to build things or help people. You won't be able to see him/her for a long time, but there will be emails, occassional phone calls, and you can write letters. Answer the child's questions as honestly as you can, in terms they can grasp.
2. Watch the news together, if the child wants to know what is happening overseas. If you think it would be too traumatic or cause undue worry or stress for the child, simply don't watch the news when the child is awake or in the room. You decide. There is no right or wrong way. Each person has different limits.
3. Make cards, write letters, and take pictures together, then go together to the post office to send packages out. This helps the child feel like he/she is a part of making the deployed service member happy, which gives they, themselves, something to smile about in such a trying time.
4. Let the child choose a picture of the deployed service member. Help them create a frame for the picture, and then put it in their room, so they can look at the picture when it strikes them most.
5. Pray with your child. No matter what you believe in, the act of praying for someone is very universal, and it might help your child to feel as if they are keeping the deployed person safer.
6. Let them see your emotions. Children are not unintelligent, and more often than not, they are very aware of what we are feeling. They will be more comfortable within their own range of emotions if they see that you, too, are running the gamut of emotions in this.
7. Lots and lots of hugs. I cannot stress this enough.
8. Extra communication with your child's teacher, if they are in school. Teachers are only as capable with our kids as we are with our communications.
9. Make every moment count. Every single one.
10. Cry together. It really does help.
If you are going through this, on any level, please know that I, myself, and my family are thinking of you and your loved ones. May we all be safe.
(October 2006) (
