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Toddlers: How saying "yes" can help you avoid the "terrible 2's" |
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by Kristen  (October 2006) (rank 40th) |
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Just a few days ago, my neighbor stopped me as I was getting into my car. She asked how parenting was going and I told her that Ethan was just a little more active than I had anticipated. She laughed and told me that her 38 year old "baby"
had suffered from the terrible 2's when she was just 18 months old. Always into everything and expressing "NO" at every possible avenue.
Is there a way to avoid the "NO's" and fits in public areas? According to my new friend Nancy, it is absolutely possible. As we sat around the dinner table tonight, Nancy, a mother of 2 girls only a year apart, told me that even with 2 children who could have been suffering from the toddler tantrums at the exact same time, she never once had a problem. How did she do it?
Redirection, redirection, redirection. She said that the word "no" was never used in her house. Instead of giving her children an avenue of defiance by identifying the exact ways that would drive Mom crazy, she always offered them alternatives of things that they could do when faced with things they could not. The girls weren't allowed into a cabinet in the kitchen? They were redirected to the cabinets they were allowed to access, and were much more fun options.
So what do you do for things that are dangerous like running into the street? Nancy said that she did not say "no." Instead she told her daughter that it was very dangerous to go into the street, and then showed her a small animal that had been killed when it ran into the street. It was slightly extreme to me, but she said that her daughter never again stepped into the street. When faced with dangerous situations, she always explained the consequences of violating the rules.
Ethan LOVES the word "no." When I say it to him, the action that I have told him not to do becomes his total focus. When I avoid telling him "no" and direct him toward something he can do, his focus is turned to a positive rather than negative direction. Maybe you can give it a try and let me know if it works for you too. Good luck.
