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5 Things Every Dad Should Know about Women In Labor: A Doula's Perspective |
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by jenlemen  (October 2006) (rank 17th) |
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Minti Moms, feel free to forward this advice to your significant other. He'll be glad to know how to support you on your big day!
- Firm constant touch is better than light strokes especially during contractions. I've noticed that most moms prefer either no touch during a contraction or specific, consistent pressure in one spot. Constant, light touching almost always seems to be irritating in my experience--whether it is from the dad or the doula. You can head off crabbiness from your partner by inviting her to say a simple "Don't" if the touch is not working for her. Reassure her that she can't hurt your feelings and that you're willing to do whatever she needs to increase her comfort.
- Your presence is a potential source of comfort and strength. I find this to be true, birth after birth. Even if she can't express it, stay open to the idea that having you close by is reassuring and energizing. Offer to hold her hand. Let her lean her weight on you as much as she needs to as you wrap your arms around her. Be sure to eat and drink often during early labor as she might not want you to leave her sight as things progress. Stay within her line of vision at all times. Many women are very eager to rely on their husbands if they believe they are interested and willing.
- Declarations of love, support or affection go far--especially in late labor. As things get more intense, I've noticed that many women are very receptive to positive reinforcement from their partner. Saying "I love you so much" or "You are amazing" can give your partner the emotional energy she needs to keep going. Many men feel these things while watching the experience of childbirth, but sometimes forget to vocalize it. Just one or two heartfelt comments is sometimes all that is necessary.
- Sports-style coaching during pushing is not as effective as quiet, constant support. Most women I've worked with do not need a cheering section to push. Try instead to maintain physical contact--stroking her hair between contractions or offering ice chips. After hearing for the fiftieth time, "I can see her! She's almost here!" many women find it hard to believe it's true. You can be much more effective by offering concrete evidence of progress--"I can see her hair now!" or "Everytime you push I can see her moving down." This is also a good time to offer a quick kiss or a deep look of love and awe.
- You can never go wrong by preparing a special present to commemorate the birth. Your partner will appreciate the gesture and feel your love and commitment at this major time. If diamonds or pearls aren't in the budget, consider SuperHeroDesigns by Andrea Scher. Each necklace is handmade and has been blessed by Andrea herself before being sent out. You can also write your partner a letter, expressing your thoughts about this important day in your lives together.
Feel free to add your own "what worked for me" suggestions in the comments!
