Curb Aggressive Behavior and Tantrums in Toddlers

Whether it manifests as biting, hiting, pinching, poking or scratching aggressive behavior in toddlers is most often a result of their inability to otherwise communicate their feelings. Their limited vocabulary makes it hard for them to communicate to us what they need or want, and when that happens they

Learn The Warning Signs - Just as adults show signs of being annoyed, frustrated or upset before they reach their boiling point so do toddlers, the only difference is most adults know how to cool down before they reach that boiling point, or atleast how to throw a little cool water in the pot to contain the problem. Toddlers on the other hand don't have the ability to do this as parents it's important then that we help them identify these early signs before they get too upset. Watch your child closely and pay special attention to what things he/she does before lashing out or throwing a fit. My oldest daughter for example would start to breath a little heavier and would make a certain very determined face, my younger daughter, on the other hand, tends to exaggerate her movements. If she's reaching for something she'll stretch further than needed, for instance.

Help Them Help Themselves -  Once you've determined what signs your child exhibits find a positive-constructive way to help him/her cool down when those signs pop up. Look to his or her favorite interests for inspiration. My oldest daughter was always up for coloring, my youngest to look for her baby. Anything that provides a distraction for the younger toddlers is a wonderful outlet, it gets their mind off the stressor and onto something makes them happy. For older toddlers and preschoolers you might want to start to teach them coping strategies, you might say something like "I can see you're frustrated, when I'm frustrated I take a few deep breaths" and then model the behavior by taking a few yourself and encouraging your child to do the same befor going back to what they're doing.

Set Clear Boundaries, Be Consistant and Firm - It's important that when an outlash occurs you are consistant in your punishment. Don't resort to hitting, pinching or biting back, this will only reinforce your child's behavior by showing him or her that when you are upset you also lash out by being aggressive. There are many, many responses that are both constructive and effective when dealing with this type of situation. You could take your child by the hands look into their eyes and firmly say "We don't (insert here what they did), that hurts." and then divert their attention. Or you may decided to show your child how his or her lashing out effects you by exaggerating your emotions of saddness or hurt - although some do find this quite entertaining I will warn you (my youngest daughter being one of those). Whatever you choose, just be consistant and be sure any other caregivers are consistant as well.

Provide and Outlet - Emotions get out of control, many if not most adults can't even control their emotions 100% of the time it is unrealistic to expect a toddler to do so. That's why it's important that when your child does lash out or ends up in a temper tantrum if you are unable to control it and they cannot stop you provide an outlet. For some parents that is to walk away and leave the child where they are to release their energy, this is perfectly acceptable and very effective. We just take that a step further, we pick our daughters up gently, and on the way to their rooms tell them that we are sorry that they are feeling overwhelmed and that they need to cool down in a quiet place for a few minutes. We then sit them down gently in their rooms, tell them to please join us when they're feeling better and leave the room. Within minutes they feel better and return, when they do we greet them cheerfully and tell them how happy we are to see them back with the rest of the family, and then we drop it. There is no point in drudging up what just happened, emotions took over, the situation was resolved, we move on.

Be a Role-Model - Most importantly, They are always watching you. Model how to deal with frustrations properly and they'll pick it up in no time.