As parents, we spend a great deal of our lives trying to protect our children and teaching them that violence is wrong, so how do we explain adult acts of terrorism and war and allay their fears about their safety?
Psychologist and media commentator Robert Butterworth Ph.D, who has developed a three-phase programme for educating children about war says, “Parents may be hesitant to let their children watch news’ reports, afraid that their kids could be traumatised. But protecting children from the reality of the situation can do more harm than good”.
Just because a child is not asking questions about the war, does not mean that it is not worrying them. It can be a particularly stressful time for children who have a parent in the Gulf, so the other parent, family members and teachers should be alert for separation anxiety symptoms.
"A lot of parents will say, 'My child is only 5 years old, and I don't want to ruin their outlook on life,'" Dr Butterworth continues. "But other preschool or kindergarten kids are talking about it, so if the kids are not hearing information from parents, which is reality, they may be getting a distorted reality from someone else."
What and how much you tell children depends very much on their age and levels of understanding.
Babies and toddlers will not understand what is happening, but they will be sensitive to your feelings about the Iraq crisis. Violent images and loud noises may also be frightening to them. It is therefore not a good idea, for children of any age, to have the TV on news’ station for long periods of time during the daytime. Paradoxically, even peace demonstrations often end in violent conflicts with the police, which can convey mixed messages to children.
A 4 or 5-year-old may understand that there is a war happening, but will have no concept of distance and may feel that they are in danger. They often have difficulty in separating the images they see on television to their personal world. Again, they should be protected from media images.
Older children may have a greater understanding of what is happening in the world, but may experience unnecessary anxiety, so it is important to talk about moral issues and to explain that whilst war is a terrible event, not all people in the Middle East are bad and that it is very unlikely that your home will be a target for any attacks. Show them countries on a globe. Reassure them that Iraq is very long way away.
Parents need to listen and not trivialise their children’s fears and concerns and if a child initiates a conversation about war, answer his or her questions as honestly as possible. Above all, children of all ages need reassurance and the opportunity to express themselves through conversation and play.
Tips:
· Never glamorise war
· Limit children’s exposure to war coverage in the media
· Engage in healthy and honest conversation about war and violence with older children
· Enjoy life together as a family
· Don’t trivialise your children’s fears. Listen, understand and reassure them
· Avoid making generalisations about the “enemy”. Explain that not all people on the opposing side are bad
(April 2006) (
