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Tips for Touched-Out Parents |
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by jenlemen  (October 2006) (rank 22nd) |
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Nothing is more draining than parenting a toddler or preschooler who just can't get enough of mom. No matter how many times the older mothers in your circle tell you this time will too quickly pass, it's nearly impossible to imagine the time when you won't have to lock yourself
in the bathroom for three minutes peace. Here are some tips for moms who want to stay connected but desperately need a break from so much physical contact with their kids.
- Find new points of connection. Sometimes the only times we are looking our little guy in the eye is when he is in our arms. If nursing or bottle feeding times are the primary times you connect with your little one through touch, try building some quality non-touch time in the routine. Make any time he spends in his high chair a time of high connection and conversation. Same with the evening bath or any other routine where holding is not required.
- Redirect, redirect, redirect. Buy a special high-interest toy that you can bring out during times when you feel like human velcro. Reserve this special treat or activity for the moments when you can't take it anymore. Stand your child up at the kitchen counter with a little bit of water in the sink and some floaty toys or bring out the playdough. Reassure your child that some good snuggle time is coming later in the day, but that now is the time for playing.
- Make a date. If one good mushy hug won't set your toddler free, make a date for an extended snuggle time later in the day. When my kids were toddlers and preschoolers, I would draw a little stick figure drawing of our "date" as well as a picture of a clock to show when we'd be together again. Even though they could not read, the pictures reassured them that I would be available in a high-touch way later.
- Avoid sitting down. It sounds crazy, but there's no better snuggle-me-now advertisement than seeing mom flopped on the couch. Staying upright and moving was my save-all strategy for avoiding klingon children. Without the opportunity, we were able to completely avoid the battle.
- Play offense, not defense. Once your kids have decided their touch quotient is too low, it's nearly impossible to fend them off. Stay ahead of the battle by offering your affection often and early in the day. If one hug here or there simply will not do, find one couch potato activity where your little one will sit quietly in your arms. One friend reserves a special TV program for these moments, since it's the crawl-all-over-mommy scene that drives her nuts.
- Disappear. You know you are at your wit's end when the thought of leaving completely sounds like a much better strategy than any of the tips listed above. Give yourself permission to priceline a hotel and leave the kids with your partner or trusted friend. Even a few hours alone in the hotel room with a bucket of ice cream and pay-per-view will do your mind and body wonders. If you can't justify such decadence (yet), make a quick exit each and every time relief shows up at your door. My husband and I spent a couple of years taking turns being "on" while the other parent recovered.
Do you have a tried-and-true strategy for staying connected to your children while making your body off limits? Add your two cents in the comments.
Bless them I know its cos they are insecure right now but it is like going back to their toddler hood!
