ADVICE RATING |
 4.56 (Highly recommend) from 11 votes (171 Visits) |
|
|
Five Paths to Complete Disaster |
 |
by Cathbuzz  (October 2006) (rank 500+) |
|
1. Put two or more children in a nice, warm bath together. This works best on a cool day. Have tub toys laying around collecting water. Make sure water has time to get really brisk. Brace yourself as older child dumps cold water on baby. Marvel at stunning audio effects
of wailing child in tile enclosure.
2. Take one two-year old who is possibly not in the best mood. Present large ziploc bag of, say, goldfish crackers, and one largish bottle of water, both opened, to anxious child as a distraction. Enjoy as she turns both upside down. Note: this works best in crowded, public places with no visible means of escape; for example: airport terminal.
3. On a crowded cross-country airplane flight, say YES when offered a small plastic cup of ice cold water. Make sure when you are drinking it that there is turbulence and that you are holding it directly above the peacefully sleeping infant in your lap.
4. Place child in carseat with 5-point restraint. Fasten top buckle and then struggle with all your might to raise the buckle restraint upward toward the child's armpits. If you do it the way I think you might, your hands will slip, and the force of your struggling will result in a good bonk in your child's face, leaving her screaming and you feeling guilty for the rest of your life. The same results can be achieved with much less effort by accidentally pinching our child's skin in the buckles of a restaurant high chair or shopping cart.
5. Certain words said in anger are short and catchy--children just learning to talk seem to pick them up easily, even naturally. Remember, repetition is the key to retention. You can work on certain words a few short days before company arrives. Surely your visitors will be very impressed.
