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    4.78 (Highly recommend) from 69 votes (8052 Visits) |
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my childhood story |
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by apwed (November 2006) (rank 500+) |
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dont know if this is advice or not but just waned to let you know my childhood story and how i am letting it help me become the parent i am know.
when i was 11 my father one night started to pay attention to me was just playing around chatting with me tiggliing me then asked if i enjoyed him giving me attention. For an 11yr old who hardly got any attention from either parents the answer was definetly yes! So my dad then promised me from now on he will spend more time with me and give me more attention as long as i promised not to say anything to anyone else, found this a bit wierd but if it mean't get attention i promised..
the next day dad called me to his room and said remember what we promised each other last night, yes, that was the first day that my father sexually abused me and this continued on for awhile with being told this is what i'd asked for and this is what i promised wouldnt tell about.. One day i broke down crying and got all freaked out so dad said i was obviously to young for this attention and it would stop until i was older enough to handle it and that i had to promise that he was allowed to play with my boobs when the come in...
so i got left alone for awhile but when i was 14/15 dad reminded me had promised he can play with my boobs when they came in and that was now... so the abuse happened daily after that, what made it worse was not long after my parents split up and my mum went off on her own and we were left to live with my dad. All during the abuse i was told my mother didnt love me never wanted me in the first place and that if i ever told anyone they would all think i was lying and it would be found to be my fault as it was my fault it was happening it was what id asked him to do!
after awhile dad got himself a girlfriend so was extremely happy as thought maybe now id be left alone, especially since she had a young baby and didn't work so was home all the time, but he still manage to make sure got the occasionally hand in place as he walked past in rooms of the house if bumped into each other in a room that noone else was in...
at 17 i moved out of home and into a flat with my new step-mum's sister, thinking horray im finally free! but one afternoon there was a knock at the door It was dad on his own without his new wife and unfortunaly at the time my flatmate -his sister in law was not home. So he tried it on again this time i tried to fight him off and stop crying and screaming at him at the same time. This made him stop and he promised won't do it anymore
he never touched me again after this but would make all kinds of lewd comments at family gatherings - like would you like this sausage its a large one and i know you like things large!
one night while drunk i finally broke down and told my boyfriend at the time what had happened to me he felt sorry for me at the time but never spoke of it again and went on speaking to my dad as if nothing had been said so i left it at that. My first child my son was his and one day when having problems with him he said if we ever have to go to court of custody i am telling the court what your father did to you!
so after that never told my secret again. Met and married a wonderful man and we have a wonderful girl together but after awhile depression started to seep in i felt like it was putting myself in a shell and holding my family at arms lenght. my son now a lot older reached my breasts as i hugged him and i couldn't stand hugging him because it felt too wierd to me.
after a while i realised i needed to do something as i was hurting the ones i love so went to doctors and went to counsillors i finally spoke to my sister what had happened she believed me and was so upset for me but at first said nothing happened to her, but six months later finally came out and said he had done it to her too
we both went on to speak to our husbands about it and hers went rushing off to the police we both followed suit and told the police. We also wrote to our step-mum letting her know what has happened but she spoke with him and he admitted to some of it but blamed us both for some and said we are lying about others so she is sticking by him.. The police have charged him but we are waiting for results. In the meantime our step-sister and half brother want nothing to do with us and are blaming us for their dad being stressed but neither have bothered to hear our side of the story..
my sister and i knew coming out that we would have some family members hate us but we don't care we are going to lenghts to make sure it doesnt happen to our children and any other children as sure no one will ever leave him alone with kids again...
many ask why got to the police or step-mum wants us to drop the charges but i want to show the next generation its not right that adults do this to kids that dont keep it a secret say something... I also want to show other women or men out there that it has happened to that they should speak out show their tormentor that they wont keep their secret for every that hey its not okay. i want to show anyone that is out there tempted to do this to a child that hey they may keep quite now but eventually they will speak out and go to the police !
sorry have rabbled on but hoping that by telling my story it may help a few others on the site and want to say please always speak with your kids letting them know that it is safe to tell if someone is doing somthing to them they shouldn't be. I spoke with my son when first came out told the family he was 10 at time now a 11 and speaking with him made him tell me the little girl at his dads touches him there and he doenst like it so i got onto his dad straight away and it hasn't happened since.. I'm constantly tellling my five year old that her wee wee spot is hers and not to be touched by anyone else and she is to say something to someone if anyone does touch her wee wee spot...
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Sexual abuse
Hi everyone I have just read a members story about her experience with sexual abuse so thought I might as well share my experience also. (thought it would be a hot topic.) When I was growing up I had 2 big brothers, one, my eldest I admired and he always had time for me and used to play games with me. He is 9 years older than myself and I can remember when he left home against my parent's wishes aged 18 how devastated I felt. When our mum spent hours putting him down I used to feel it was my fault and maybe if she thought he was so bad then I was bad too? My other brother was 7 years older than me and I never felt comfortable around him. Looking back and remembering it was because he always used to blackmail me into getting in his bed with him. This happened from as young as 3 yrs of age. I remember mum having to take me to get my big toe put back into place as he had pulled it out of joint when I didn't want to lay beside him and let him rub his penis against me. I didn't know what he was doing but it didn't feel right for some reason and when he kept telling me never to tell as no-one would believe me coz everyone knew I was just a little liar I believed him and just shut my mouth. what really used to annoy me was overhearing my mum talk to my brother about me and ask his advice on what she should do in the way of discoplining me. I remember thinking why would she talk to him about me and how come he could talk to her but I couldn't coz no-one would believe me? I grew up believing I was a bad person and that I couldn't live up to my parent's, teachers or anyones expectations, a failure I guess. My brother in question was often asked my mum to take me with him, get me out of the house for a while. He used to take me rabbit shooting and while we were out in the farmers paddocks he would coax me into a ditch and abuse me. He was weird in the sense that when he shot a rabbit and it ran around screaming he would have this sick looking smile on his face. The abuse only stopped when I was 12yrs old and started to get my period, about the same time my brother got a girlfreind so finally I was free of him. My parents never told me about "the facts of life", mum talked a little about periods and all the trouble she had with them but it was the lady around the road that told me a little about sex. she had 2 young boys and I used to visit her and play with the boys to give her some "time out". She had some urn type things on her mantle and I asked about them, she told me they were the ashes of the little girls she had lost. (she had had several miscarriages). She asked me where do babies come from.........I said I thought you prayed to god and he gave you one.
My brother was asked to take me along to a church youth group to give me another interest. For a couple of years I went to different youth groups at several different churches but always ended feeling like I didn't belong and that I was this bad sinner who was going to go to hell. Around 11 and 12 years of age I was a very shy child and didn't seem to have any self esteem, I hardly gave my opinion at school or in any social setting as I thought I was stupid and people would just end up laughing at me and putting me down. It wasn't just my brother who abused me either. My cousin used to have me sit on his knee and listen to music while he touched me. I hated being made to go on holiday at my Auntie's. My parents used to send me to a neighbor's house to help him with his chooks, cleaning thier chook shed out etc. He was old and a widower. After we did things with the chooks he would get me inside for a lemonade and have me sit on his knee too. He always wanted me to lay down in his room and have a little rest beside him........I don't remember how I got out of that? I had a freind for a while, she was my neighbor's grandchild. Her family had immigrated from England and were staying next door for a while until they got a house of thier own. When they did she would invite me around sometimes to play dolls etc. Her dad always found a way to join in and always ended up playing wrestling with us. He would often end up laying on top of me and talking to me about my future boyfreind and what he would want me to do for him. I stopped going to my freind's place after a while and heard that her mum and dad split up as he was found out playing with young girls. I felt guilty......................now my freind didn't have a dad.
During my teenage years I was never popular, no-one ever seemed to want to be my freind. I always wore my cousins out of date hand me downs which didn't help as children would tease me. My parents tried to give me opportunities like girl guides, tennis, netball, music lessons. I just never felt good enough and I wasn't competative, if I missed a catch at netball and team mates bagged me out i would just take it to heart and know that I was no good. When I started dating my mum would warn me if I ever came home with a bastard child she would kill it! Dad said it is so sad , you are just a child but capable of having a child. I still remained quite uninformed on sexual matters. But I did find that for a while guys accepted me if I gave them what they wanted.......
I left home at 16yrs, I didn't do well at Highschool infact the only subjects I ended up doing were clothing and English. the other classes I would just sit and read a novel of some kind, my teachers suggested this as long as I didn't disturb the class and just did the tests for the particular class they left me alone. When i got caught for underage drinking and shoplifting I decided that I would agree to go home to my parents custody and as soon as the case was heard and over i left for the city. After 6 months I met my husband to be. He was sweet at the start, he called me "Honey" but it wasn't long before he was putting me down sexually and telling me I was a useless girlfriend etc, forcing me to have sex with him when I had thrush etc. I tried to leave several times but he always got me back and things would be ok for a little while. Once we had children I felt I could never leave him as, like he said I wouldn't cope alone, no-one would ever want me with someone elses children and I wasn't a good mother or wife anyway. I did finally leave though and the kids and I stayed in a women's shelter for 7 weeks. Talking with the counsellors there it wasn't long before I was asked "were you sexually abused as a child"? Eeeeeeeeeek how did they know? Should I admit it? It wasn't actually penetration so It wasn't really sexual abuse was it? Well I did talk and I did find out a lot about sexual abuse and the damage it does etc. I guess from that point on I started to educate myself about a whole range of things in life..............but that is another big story.
I think the thing that helps us all in life with anything is knowledge................I decided that I would talk and listen to my children, no matter how queezy some subjects made me feel. I talked to my children about sexual abuse, drugs, domestic violence, where babies come from, all those once taboo subjects. i told them I was abused and I didn't want them to keep quiet about anything they needed to talk about or ask about. I sometimes wonder if I have told them too much? But then looking at my daughter in particular and seeing how confident she is and informed, she had the self esteem at 15yrs that I didn't develop until maybe 39yrs. Being able to communicate openly has to be better.
I spoke to an aquaintance resently who is on anti-depressants, being a bit tipsy at the time she told me she knows why and part of it is her grandad's abuse of her when she was 6yrs. I asked her has she talked with anyone about it? She replied "NO I don't want them to take my kids away from me", Our society still has a way to go don't you think????
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Related keywords: abuse, abuse,, childhood, hurting, police, protect, sexual, sexual,, torment, tormentor, | |  | | | Related TagsAddabuse, abuse,, childhood, hurting, police, protect, sexual, sexual,, torment, tormentor,BookmarksNo bookmarks found | | | | |
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