Porn - what to do when the kids access it

How to handle kids accessing porn.

I noticed a question about this type of thing earlier and tried to post some sort of supportive somment. My first thought was- oh my! How does one deal with it?

Then I did a search of the advice for 'porn'

 As we all know- times have changed - when I was a kid boys might occasionally managed to track down a 'dirty' magazine if they had an older brother or cousin but nowadays with computers and internet its pretty freely available. Programs like 'NetNanny' and Password protection help of course and its wise to take precautions - like not allowing young teenagers private internet access in their bedrooms. Our kids also know I will check the computer history and if its deleted or there is anything 'dodgy' then unsupervised access will be denied. Also the computer is in full view in the lounge room. Still it is difficult and kids tend to find a way if there is a will. A boy at my daughters school brought in porn on a computer memory stick.

So what to do when/if it happens?

• Firstly the age of the child is important as to how you approach it
• But my thought was perhaps try it from an 'understanding' angle. "I know you are growing up and this sort of interest is natural - but."
• (From there you need to be clear in your own mind first exactly what it is that you object to and why and what lesson you are trying to put over)
• Deciding what you object to can be trickier than it first sounds. Saying "its disgusting" or "youre too young" isnt really very helpful.
• When I was typing a reply to the question Id come across I finally came up with the following (so I will just retype it in here)

'you need to learn how to form appropriate adult relationships before you access this kind of thing which can distort your perception of sexual activity. It is important to realise that porn is a 'fantasy' and I dont believe you are mature enough to handle this level at this point, I feel it is potentially damaging emotionally and socially. Your younger brother is a child and it is harmful for him to be exposed to this sort of thing, inappropriate sexual knowledge can lead to vulnerability and abuse."

Probably in simplified language - but that might give you a starting point to clear your head a little as to what you need/want to say...

Sexual maturity is like anything something which is gradually developed and aquired - porn can slam a huge amount of information down too soon and it is certainly not representative of typical functional relationships - well not in my experience *grin*.

I guess my bottom line is that , try not to be too 'freaked out' by the 'sex' aspect. Sex like death will happen. Its natural and normal and its probably important and worthwhile to acknowledge that with the child/teenager involved. Sex is not such a big deal- its a part of growing up and is a positive part of a loving relationship. Naturally it can also be abusive, cruel, degrading, disruptive and negative. This is the difference we need to try and explain. Older sexually mature adults can (hopefully) recognise and understand the 'fantasy' aspect of porn and access it without any problems or harm developing. Youngsters with no experience or knowledge for comparison can be distorted and damaged by porn. As mentioned above - they become vulnerable to abuse or to become abusers.

This is just my thoughts- i have not had to deal with this personally with my own children yet. I hope that plenty of comments and experiences will be added as we need to develop our knowledge and understanding of this topic.

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