Judgemental Parenting

The following article was well received on my online magazine www.singleparentbible.com.au, so I wanted to share it with all of you.

I'm a Lover not a Fighter

Today I read an article; about how some mothers can be incredibly judgemental of others who choose parenting styles dissimilar to their own.  This made me contemplate my own baby rearing. 

I flew in the face of all advice (however well meaning).  I was single with a supposedly severely colicky baby.  I did whatever I could to make his little life easier.  This included breast feeding on demand, feeding him to sleep and allowing him to sleep in my bed.  I spent two years with my child attached to my hip (and my breast).

I didn’t care what others thought or said, I just did what was right for my child and I.  It turns out, that my sweet boy had undiagnosed Giardia and was in unbelievable night pain for over two and a half years.  The same health professionals that urged me to get him out of my bed were telling me that his Giardia was colic and that he would grow out of it.  Hmmm.  I eventually found the champion of GPs (after I went through many doctors and specialists who told me that I was a panicky parent) and my little one is now well and happy.

The moral of this story, is that a mother does for her child what is instinctively natural and right for them.  Had someone told me before I became a parent, that I would be taking part in a breast feeding marathon, I would have laughed at them and vehemently denied that could be possible (having previously been somewhat lukewarm to the idea).  As it turns out, I was like the ‘Big Cow’ of breast feeding and I let my son give me up – when he was good and ready.   

Placing my child in day care two mornings a week at the age of one, had many a coupled parent friend up in arms also.  Why when I wasn’t working (at the time), did I feel the need to place my son in care?  What sort of a mother does that?  How selfish.  Well, you know what?  This is MY life and unless you are me, you have no idea what is best for my child and our ‘family’.  When you are a single parent, with no relatives living within a reasonable distance and no local support network, two hours on your own to grocery shop and do the vacuuming, is like a day at a health spa.

Sometimes you just need to recharge and all of those who are judgemental of our choices, will have issues within their own parenting structure (to face at some stage).  Whatever happened to live and let live and why do some people find it necessary to force their views upon us?  My thought, is that what you don’t understand scares you.  So, it’s easier to put it down than to accept that your way isn’t everyone’s way.

I hope those that read this and are struggling with tiny babies and opinionated friends, breathe a sigh of relief, because ladies, it’s okay.  It will fall into place and you can do it.  Lock the door, take the phone off the hook and do it your way.  Your baby will thank you for it.