Always look on the bright side of life!

This is my first piece of advice so bear with me.

I just wanted to share some advice for new mums and trying to be mums!

Firstly, a bit of background on me... When we first started trying to have children I had two miscarriages straight after each other (for no diagnosed reason). I was devastated and wanted a child so badly I would dream of holding a baby and wake with the loss of it every morning. We kept trying and for eighteen months I slipped more and more into depression. I just was not myself. I couldn't socialise, lost interest in work & I resented anyone who was pregnant - I could barely stand being in the same room. When my sister in law fell pregnant unexpectedley it was extremely upsetting and all I could think was "it's not fair". However, shortly after this, my GP diagnosed me as depressed and we looked at ways of changing this - namely to stop trying (& lose weight).

Straight away i got pregnant! i was convinced I would lose it and on tenterhooks through the whole pregnancy. I had a difficult pregnancy - suffering pre-eclampsia and delivering early by c-section. The pregnancy resulted in my gorgeous son. After he was born I was diagnosed as PCOS & insulin resistant. He was a difficult baby - he was small and didn't gain weight. He didn't feed & didn't sleep. Having wanted this baby so badly I felt ripped off and struggled for months. I kept thinking "if you can get through the first six months you'll be OK".

We survived but I was not in a hurry to do it again! He was 2 when I decided he should have a sibling. This time it only took me three months to get pregnant with my daughter - miracles do happen! In the meantime I had learnt a lot about life. Even still, this brought up feelings again that i needed to deal with. What I want to share is what this process taught me. Yes I am now in a blessed position and have the benefit of hindsight to help. But at the time it seemed hopeless and the whole world seemed unfair.

I became convinced that God himself was holding back on me and that I somehow did not deserve good things. What rubbish! We all deserve good things to happen to us - none of us are more worthy than others. I can't say why some of us have to go through the things we do. Miracles do happen - but in the meantime, it is hard to hang in there and remember that you are a great woman as you are! Instead of wallowing in self pity I learned to look around and see that others have troubles too.

No-one lives a problem-free life.

When I learned to see how I could help others instead of demanding their pity I could move on... I still have to remind myself not to be negative and to look for the good in every situation, but looking outside myself really helped me to do this. I know I am rambling but I hope this helps someone. Whether you are trying to conceive, dealing with loss, PND or struggling as to why things don't turn out the way you have planned (all of which I have struggled with) keep up hope and remember that you cannot control what happens to you, you can only control how you react to it and how you let it shape you. Let it make you into a better person - instead of a bitter one.