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ADVICE RATING

4.63 (Highly recommend) from 13 votes (397 Visits)

< Stress = < Discipline

by CindyC

(November 2006) (rank 263rd)

Okay, I’m a mathematician. Sorry for the title equation, ha. Anyways, it’s Less Stress Equals Less Discipline. I was actually trying to think of a situation where I had to discipline Rachel this past weekend (she’s 4 going on 13). And I was surprised there

were none. Oh, there was an incident of hurt feelings and I had to referee a play date, but actual discipline? No.

I notice I get into trouble when I’m stressed -- those times when I have nine things to do and we need to get out the door at a certain time. I get upset because of Rachel’s dawdling. She gets upset and then I get short with her and it just spirals out of control. So…I make it a point to reduce my stress.

Do I really need to do those nine things before we leave? Can I add extra time to get ready? Can I make these activities fun? First of all, I get rid of any unnecessary items on my to-do list. They go on my do-later list. And I do allow plenty of time to get ready. For Rachel and I that’s 1 ¾ hrs. We don’t really take that long, but I’ll go put my clothes on, then I’ll go find her clothes. I finish getting ready, then I ask her to put her clothes on. I pack our bag and I do her hair. We have breakfast, then she or I put on her shoes. We are not rushing and simply going at a preschooler pace. Did I mention I wake up before her?

And when those times come up when I do get stressed? I try to nip it in the bud quickly. I go from being angry and frustrated to making the situation light and funny for Rachel. She is not doing anything wrong. I don’t expect her to get herself ready in 5 minutes. She is very capable of getting herself dressed and I reinforce that with praise and gratefulness.

Another thing we try *not* to do is fill up our time with activities. I actually only plan one event per weekend. When I was at home with Rachel, I only planned an activity every other day and this included errands. We were not running around town every day. This gave me time to focus on things around the house, but also it let Rachel decide how the day would unfold.

Try it tomorrow. Either allow plenty of time to get ready OR don’t even leave the house. What kind of fun can you and your children get into?

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ADVICE RATING

4.63 (Highly recommend) from 13 votes

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	March 2009 \| emmie

Re: < Stress = < Discipline

Great advice i have to totally agree with this we have a routine a bit like this

thanks for sharing xx

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	March 2007 \| busy-busy-busy

stress

Have your say! excellent advice cindy, i have 3 children and it is very stressful in the mornings getting ready for school and i get my children up with over and hour to get ready but we seem to be always waiting for the youngest child who is nearly 9 to finish getting ready and my oldest child starts school earlier than the younger two and she starts stressing because she will be late and she will get a detention because she is late i will try some of you stratagies, if there is any advice on my situation i would love to hear some, less stress is much better as it starts the children fighting amongst themselves and that makes the trip to school meyhem, thankyou

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	1.00 (Very Poor) \| November 2006 \| dolphins30

discipline

I never discipline my child. It's pointless.

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	November 2006 \| dramamom

discipline

I think you may have the terms mixed up. Discipline is important in teaching children right from wrong, proper behaviour, etc. I think what CindyC means is that our discipline changes to punishment when we are stressed. We give our children consequences that don't fit the "crime" (so to speak) and they react to our stress levels in negative ways. Discipline can often be a positive thing, like guiding your child to something they are encouraged to do. If it is punishment that you are thinking of, then you are very right. It can be very pointless sometimes.

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	November 2006 \| Jessgore

Great advice...

yes I too have noticed that the less I stress about things the happier my son is... And of course the happier I am... When I do get stressed I usually make it bath time with my son and I, that way what ever I was stressing out about can wait until after we have relaxed in the bath with a bit of water play and we both come out feeling clean and relaxed.... If a bath is not possible I drop every thing and I mean every thing and just go for a walk with Francis and the dog... Although walking the dog can be stressful the fresh air is fantastic and a change from seeing what is stressed about...

Great advice... Happy mum = happy baby. Happy Baby= less stress

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	November 2006 \| ssedgar

Great

It is a lot calmer in our household when mummy tries to reduce her stress. i am currently working full time so i always feel rushed, but like you said if it not do or die i dont NEED to have it done right this second i try to let it go and just go with the flow. it is really difficult some times with 2 very mischevious boys but it is also great fun

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	November 2006 \| dramamom

Excellent!

That is exactly what I try to do. If we adapt to our children, it makes life so much easier, instead of making them fit into our lifestyle. That doesn't mean we should let them dictate everything, but we can do so much more adjusting than they can.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| November 2006 \| Kristen

It's so true

On days that I just relax and let life go as it is going, I have such a great time with my son. He is so very michevious and I often take it personally that he is trying to drive me crazy. They always seem to know when you are having a rough time and somehow make it rougher. By just letting go and not getting frustrated, I realize that what he is doing isn't so "bad."

Thanks for the reminder.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| November 2006 \| Izzy

stress

Great advice. I totally agree with you. I found that I'm more snappish at my son when I'm doing a lot of things like I need to straigthen something with the bank online, and paying a bill on a deadline, talking the phone. And when I finally finish, I feel terrible at snapping at my son.

I also get like this when we're trying to get out the door in a hurry, like you said. This is one is easy to fix, I can get things ready the night before - though that's easier said that done sometimes.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| November 2006 \| exquisite-flower

stress

keeping things in perspective certainly helps. And it does sometimes take the common sense to take that step back even though you feel that everything is still mostly ok.
Great Advice
EF.x

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