Lets face it, every child is naughty some of the time (some seem to be all of the time) and it is those moments that parents often face their greatest challenge. The challenge of changing the child’s behaviour, whilst also keeping your cool. In the past spanking and shouting
were often used as a form of child discipline but many do not believe that such measures are required and the “Time-out” can be a very effective technique when applied properly. Here are a few step-by-step techniques to help make your use of Time-outs more effective, your child will improve their behaviour if you follow these guidelines closely, and you will feel much better about yourself too (compared to the post-discipline guilt which can accompany the spanking/shouting approaches).
The basic premise of a Time-out is that keeping a child isolated for a period of time allows the child to calm down, learn to cope with separation/lack of attention, and discourages bad behaviour. The added benefit of the Time-out approach is that the parent(s) gets some time to calm down from the anger caused by the inappropriate behaviour and determine a plan for disciple/learning after the Time-out is finished.
This technique applies for toddlers and older children, you will know when it stops working and this could be several years into childhood. As your child gets older or if you are introducing the technique to an older child it is a good idea to explain in detail, and write down the type of behaviour which will result in a Time-out (there is a way to ensure a “catch all” such as “Mum or Dad counting 1-2-3 warnings” – refer “Counting to Three” technique below.
Applying the technique
Firstly when implementing the Time-out, no arguing should be allowed. A Time-out is exactly for the purpose of allowing calm discussion to follow a period of quiet-time and not to get into an argument. Be careful not to use Time-outs too frequently as they are a mild-form of discipline and may not be effective if constantly having to be used over an extended period. If the technique works for you and your child then improved behaviour should make it less necessary.
The following 7 steps will help you introduce effective Time-outs:
1. Be consistent: Decide together with other supervising adults what type of behaviour warrants a Time-out, and try to enforce this fairly and consistently. All adults should use the same “rule-set” as consistency is critical to the child’s understanding.
2. Designate a corner or “quiet and boring” location where the child is to stand/sit during Time-outs. Never use their bed or a location where they can entertain themselves, it is time for reflection and not fun.
3. Determine the period of time by age: For example a “short” Time-out may be set at around one minute per year of age, but this is doubled should the child fail to comply with the Time-out rules or continue to misbehave. Track this time with a clock or timer so that you are always consistent (point 1 above).
4. Have incentives for good behaviour during the Time-out: If there is no arguing allow positive playtime to commence more quickly, if there is argument then there could be a loss of privileges for an extended period.
5. Give verbal warnings first (if possible): Verbal warnings allow the child to make choices about their behaviour and learn to change behaviour before the discipline is required.
One good technique for verbal warnings is Counting to Three: When a child is doing something wrong you say, "That's One". Then wait a few seconds. If they are still doing the unacceptable behaviour say, "That's Two". Wait a few more seconds and say "That's Three, Time Out. [Explain reason for Time-out here]". Then you escort them to the Time-out area.
6. Reinforce the message: When the time is up it is important to reinforce the discipline lesson. Ask your child "Why did you have Time-out?" The ideal answer is, "Because I did…". If they don't seem to know why they got Time-out, remind them (briefly). If there was a victim of the misbehaviour (eg another child) then the child should be instructed to apologise to the victim.
7. Do not bring up the incident again: Afterwards both the parent and the child should try to avoid talking about the incident or continuing further discipline/arguments. The issue has been dealt with and both parties should move on having learnt from it.
Alternative views:
Some parents/carers are in favour of spanking as a more direct form of discipline and believe that Time-outs are ineffective. Others believe that Time-outs can complement spanking : a spanking may be preceded and/or followed by a Time-out 'to think about what you did'.
Remember that discipline is about teaching good behaviour and no disciplinary technique should be used without the child understanding why the behaviour was unacceptable and what behaviour is expected.
(February 2006) (
