I've just had a brilliant afternoon with my kids.
Nothing out of the ordinary, in fact, we've had no tantrums or fighting between the kids...
Currently the kids are doing the dishes.
I have a few minutes to write my first Minti article...LOL
Homework has been completed.
Piano practice has been completed.
Assignments have had the finishing touches put on them.
Bags are packed for tomorrow.
And the kids are HAPPY!!!
My approach today is one I use often - though of course, even this does get swept aside when things don't go according to plan. (That's life, huh!)
DD10 has come home from school, having had a great day ... (ALWAYS a great start to the afternoon)...
She has been a mini-flybaby for as long as I've been FLYing (about 3 years)... so she's familiar with setting herself tasks to complete, and working towards goals. She's actually had a very successful year, having achieved some big juicy goals that she's spent a lot of time on.
Those goals included:
Getting a lead role in the school production (she did - performance was last week!)
Being a sports captain (she captained her first rounders team this term)
Becoming a patrol leader for Girl Guides (she was made PL last term)
Sitting her piano exam (coming up in the next couple of weeks)
So what is it that seems to have helped her along towards these goals? What has made this afternoon run more smoothly?
DD10 came in from school happy & confident.
She set about immediately to completing a major term assignment she's been chipping away at for the last few weeks. She gave herself a time frame.
"I love you mum" she pipes up from the table... of course I responded in kind.
She came racing over to show me proudly that her assignment was finished.
I gave her a big hug & told her how proud of her I am. I said she'd put in a great effort, and she says she's working for an "Above expected level" grade.
She then moved on to her daily homework, and gave herself a time frame too. All the while, she's jabbering away about how if she gets her work done by 6pm, she can watch the Simpsons, and then Neighbours (her two special shows), and that she'll get her piano practice done at 7pm.
I suggested that since she was going so well, I believed she could get it done well before then, if she wanted to.
Another "I love you mum, I KNOW I can do it!" comes from across the room.
With DS14 home, the piano has been singing out with his practice since about 4.30pm.
DD10, having completed her daily homework, has asked her brother if she can use the piano for her practice. He says "Sure, in 10 minutes"...
She's come into the kitchen (where I've just finished washing dishes, and begun preparing dinner) and said "I'm ahead of schedule", grabs the teatowel, and proceeds to dry all the dishes.
WITHOUT BEING ASKED!!!
She managed to do the dishes (decorated with another "I love you mum!") and raced back up to her brother's room to begin her piano practice. I barely caught her to say THANK YOU for doing a chore on her own!
After piano practice, she set the dinner table (without being asked) and managed to complete all she wanted to, just before 6pm!
So how on earth do we manage to get kids operating on such a great level?
I truly believe a simple exchange of expectations is a great basis.
From there, positive encouragement & reinforcement works wonders.
Add a bit of mutual respect.
Share with your kids how you appreciate them, and their efforts. Even on those days when they're not stellar - any effort is a start!
Help them learn to set goals - starting with small ones for littler people (let's put the toys away & then we can read a book) to more age appropriate stuff such as Term goals for school kids... Once they learn to work towards the things they want, they're more likely to bring a more positive atmosphere to the daily grind.
You can never build your kids esteem enough. They will have bad days, they will have great days. Even on the bad days, find something small for them to appreciate that they've achieved. It goes a long way to helping them learn that not everything will go their way, but that a bit of focus and hard work and planning, will bring them the rewards they seek.
And at the end of the day, if we've got happier kids for it, then that's all we can ask for!
(November 2006) (
