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When is a man ready for children

angus by angus Walking(May 2006) (rank 500+)
I do believe that often it is hard to feel when it is "the right time in your life" to have a child.  My wife and I talked about children a lot as we both wanted to have them but I was so caught up in what I thought
was important that I didn't feel the time was right.  Eventually my wife got it through to me that there is no "right time".  If you feel yourself saying things like
  • I need to be in a more stable job
  • we need to move again soon
  • are we living in the right place
then I just think you remember the old advice "kids fit in to your life if you let them". 
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llmunchkin
August 2007 | llmunchkin
Re: When is a man ready for children
This is very true... Especially for men, they seem to feel that their status is dictated by their material belongings, as well as their income.

I think the perfect time is whenever it happens - because that is when you get your act together and find that you can cope, money does stretch, and the change of lifestyle is well worth the effort.  (Of course this is providing you are in a good relationship with someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with).

Very nice, short sweet, and pertinent advice!


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DragonEgg
June 2006 | DragonEgg
Biggest change in life there is!
What's the use of waiting until you have everything "perfect" to introduce the most life-altering factor in your life?!  It's like waiting until you get done building this huge house of cards before rolling a bowling ball across the table!

The right time has less to do with money and more to do with the strength of your relationship with your spouse and your flexibility! 

My wife and mine philospohy is " No plans, no regrest " and so far so good

Having kids is the greatest challenge of any marriage (at least from what I've seen so far) because you will be going through a boot camp that could make a Marine cry, be pushed to the brink of exhaustion, find out things about yourself, your spouse and everybody else you know what you never wanted to know ... and you wouldn't change a thing!

I've heard people say "I want to do my traveling before we have kids." which is actually sad if you think about it. If they are "successful" in this then that means their kid(s) will not learn the fun of traveling, seeing new places, meeting new people and being exposed to new cultures!  What a shame! You may have to stop or slow your traveling for a while but how much richer

I've heard tales of people on their death-bed wishing they had children, or they spent more time with their children. 
I've never heard anybody say they wish they spent more time in the office, or that they moved into such-and-such town.

Hold your nose, close your eyes, open your heart and mind and take the plunge!


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Saraloo
June 2006 | Saraloo
Way to Listen!!!

You are right and women also go through those same hang ups before having kids.  them main thing is that you and your partner are emotionally ready to take on as a team a new baby.  The material things matter to an extent but if you are getting by now then chances are you will with a new little one too.  Glad you took the leap and it is working out for you!!! 



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Anonymous Member
1.00 (Very Poor) | June 2006 | anonymous  
sounds exactly like me
This tip describes my situation exactly.  Knowing when the right time to have a child was a huge issue for me. My wife and I had the "no right time" discussion as well.  But the end point is right on - kids fit into your life (and morph it too) in ways that you might not have imagined, but that are pretty cool.


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Considering
4.25 (Good) | May 2006 | Considering
Fitting in.
I think you are right Angus, but i think it is also sensible to give some thought to whether they will fit in better in the future or right now. For example if you are starting a new business or about to go travelling round the world - otherwise having children may not fit well at all and its unfair on them as much as it is on yourslef.


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      rachelcook
4.43 (Good) | May 2006 | rachelcook
Re: Fitting in.
I agree. It's when your mentally ready to grow up (joke joke nudge nudge :)


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           allyp
June 2006 | allyp
Re: Fitting in.

I do agree. When I found out that I was pregnant. I was happy, scared and crying. I told my husband and he was ok with it. I had thought's in the back of my mind about us being young. But he said we've been around lot's of kids(with his younger cousins and my niece who I took care of when I was just 16 yrs old) so we're going to be ok and we're ready to have our baby.

I was happy after that because I didnt think he was ready to be a dad.



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      ClayCook
3.00 (Average) | May 2006 | ClayCook
Re: Fitting in.
i am happy we waiting until everything was in place before we had our first. I think before we had our first we were a little young, hadn't been married long enough, we working too hard trying to set up a business, travelling a lot, and just trying to get movies/going out type stuff out of our system ;)

Having said all of that... I do think some people will just keep on puting it off when the fact is they will never be in the perfect position to have a child (due to them wanting to be the world's richest man before they have a child)...


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           Anonymous Member
5.00 (Excellent) | May 2006 | anonymous  
Re: Fitting in.
Well we had our first whilst I am running a start-up business, living in temporary housing and now finshing a new house. I guess what I was trying to get accross is that it sometimes plays on your mind that you are waiting for the right time but really kids are very adaptable.


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