Rewarding children

I have used Star Charts in advice to a couple of people this evening and decided to put it in as general advice as I really believe in the positive effects star charts have on children. It's a great reward system. Each time the child does what is expected he/she receives a star. You decide how many stars the child needs to gain a reward, eg, 10 stars for a reward. The reward can be anything - a toy, a lolly, go to the park, watch favourit movie, visit a friend, etc.

My kids are 12, 8, and 7 and I still use a star chart. They get stars for tidying up (they get extra stars for doing this without being asked), for going to bed without complaint, getting awards at school, etc. With the 3 of them, it is a competition between them - whoever has the most stars at the end of each week gets the reward.

A friend of mine is using a star chart for her son's toilet training - she has it on the wall next to the toilet. She said it is working really well. Her son loves getting the stars each time he goes to the toilet and he also loves putting the stars on himself.

I think any sort of reward system works well. Apart from the star chart, I also take advantage of what my kids love the most. For instance, my son loves the playstation, wanting to play it all the time. So, I let him play if he has been good. If he gets into trouble at school he cannot play it. It has worked well as his behaviour really improved. He wasn't an overly naughty kid, but did get up to some mischief, and still does now and then, but he knows he loses the playstation if he is naughty so tries a lot more to be good.

I've also found many parents use empty threats with kids. Like, they tell a child they cannot have something or cannot go somewhere as they have been naughty, but in the end the parent gives in and lets the child have what he/she wants or go where he/she wants to go. This is a bad mistake, resulting in the child walking all over the parent as the child will know the parent does not mean the threat. I'm not having a go at any parents out there, I do understand that sometimes it does seem easier to give in to the child. But in the long run it is not easier as the child will always want his/her way. You need to stay strong and stick to your guns, even if the child is screaming in the middle of the supermarket. Ignore the stares of ignorant people who don't understand what kids are like. Once the child realises that the tantrums will not work, they will stop them.

Going back to the playstation example, it is another example of the above. If my son has been naughty and asks to play playstation, he does not get upset when I say no. I remind him he is not allowed to play it because he "did the wrong thing" to which my son will say something like, "oh, yer, that's right" and that's that. No tantrum, no fuss. Because he knows making a fuss will not help.

I hope this helps some of you out there. Please don't hesitate to ask me any questions. I don't pretend to be an expert mother, noone is, I've just found these things work. With 3 kids on my own I've had to try different ways of getting them to do what they should in order to keep my sanity, lol!

Oh, one more thing - my brother and his wife have a great idea for their 2 year old - she has a "naughty chair". It's a small plastic stool on which she must sit if she has been naughty. She knows it too! She showed me, saying, "this is my naughty chair" lol. It works well, too!