Serial Smacker.

I grew up in a household with an angry mum. My father died when I was a baby, leaving her with 3 kids under the age of 5. She was so angry with him for dying,  that it seemed the only way she could express that was with violence. Specifically

beating my sisters and me. It was common practice for us to go to school wearing jeans, tights and long sleeves, to cover bruises and welts. Not the kind of environment I would recommend. But it seems that the cycle has continued. My eldest sister has no compuction about belting her 7 year old daughter with a wooden spoon, or with a belt, when she gets angry. And I have found myself screaming at my babies, my little angels, because mummy has lost her mind. I smacked my four year old. I even smacked my 2 year old. To the point where I would get angry, and my babies would cower or hide to avoid me. It breaks my heart to know that the cycle has continued.

But I'm trying. I've started talking to people who can help. And it has already started working wonders. My babies don't hide from me now. They know that mummy is trying really really hard not to be a bully any more. There is more laughter, and giggles in my house. That is the best help of all - knowing that they trust me, to protect them and not to hurt them.

I'm not a born again anything, and I think I'm the last person in the world who should be advising others on dealing with their kids.. but please. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see violence begets violence. Next time you get angry with your children, stop and look at them. Look at their little faces, and tell me that the fear you can see there is worth it. Cause it's not.