Way back when....
I used to LOVE driving, before I had kids.
I could drive for hundreds of kilometres and enjoy every minute.
Becoming a Mum changed the experience dramatically ; frequent stops usually at very inconvenient times became a necessity.
- MUM- I'm hungry
- MUMMMMM - I'm thirsty
- I FEEEEL SICK
- He/She is kicking/hitting me and being mean/spitting/pinching/making faces/ squashing/ smelling etc etc
- MUM I need the TOILET - NOWWWWWW.
- The radio is too loud/not loud enough/isnt what I like
- Can we play the Wiggles/The spice girls/Britney Spears
- ARE WE THERE YET.........
But by far the worst thing I encountered was the dreaded TANTRUM in the car.
How can a driver concentrate if there is a preschooler SCREAMING at full volume in the back seat?
Quite simply - they cant!
Yelling at hysterical kids doesnt work- Nor does reasoning, trying to pass drinks and food back to them, nor begging, pleading nor even (pretending) to ignore it.
All my kids had tantrums in the car at some point , you are delightfully 'helpless' while driving and they can let it rip (rather like the fights that erupt when you are on the phone).
But one of mine in particular would really turn it on, and keep it up relentlessly. It drove me mad.
This situation is not safe for anyone- a distracted stressed driver is an accident looking for somewhere to happen. Frantic littlies tend to wriggle their arms free of seatbelt restraints.
Stop the car.
Take the first opportunity to pull over at a safe place. Often the shock of this strategy will calm the situation. If not get out of the car. Take a deep breath and
make sure you are calm and in control.
I have used two strategies in these situations. (The following were suggested to me by a very experienced child behaviour expert I was lucky enough to meet.)
The first involves taking the child out of the car and the two of you sit beside the car (assuming you are parked in a safe spot!) and you wait it out.
Keep your voice
low and calm and state "
we will get back in the car when you have calmed down and are ready to sit in your seat/keep your seat belt on etc". This can be quite a waiting game- but they will get bored with it. (Or at least mine did and one of them is the most stubborn person imaginable). I have sat beside the car- holding Mr Grumpy for half an hour before we got to a point where we could drive on in blissful calm.
Each time I did this the waiting time got shorter and shorter. If they believe they cant win kids will not waste their time.
The other strategy
I used when I was feeling so frazzled I didnt have the patience to sit with the child in question.
It is simple - I would get out of the car! Then sit and wait until the screaming subsides.
This is only appropriate if the car is safely parked and if it is hot make sure it is in the shade and windows are open.
One mother once told me she stopped the car and told her two kids to get out- then she drove off. (Yes she went back for them)
I do not recommend this under any circumstances. Only get your child out of the car if it is a safe area and you are prepared to sit with them.
Why Bother?
The basic message is that you will not drive while passengers are behaving badly. However there will be no nice distractions either - no walks, plays at the park or icecreams - you are patient and you will WAIT until people behave appropriately and it is safe to continue. You need to keep calm and be quietly firm about the process.
State what is going to happen and stick to it. "We are going to sit here until you are quiet. When you are quiet then we will get back in the car and go home/swimming/shopping/to the park.
It is not safe to drive when people in the car are fighting and/or screaming. We will leave when it is safe." Dont back down.
Good Luck- this did work for us (yes I felt very silly and was very self conscious doing it at first and it took a long time the first couple of times I tried it and was frustrating- but it was better than driving with the stress and distraction). Remember if you stick to what you say the kids will soon back down very quickly- they respect you and know you mean what you say.
When all is calm- comment on how nice it is and how glad you are to be able to drive away safely. Praise the child for their good behaviour (calming down).
Take care and stay safe.
x
(November 2006) (
