ADVICE RATING |
 4.74 (Highly recommend) from 42 votes (1973 Visits) |
|
|
When Kids Get Frustrated: 6 Strategies for Smooth-Sailing |
 |
by jenlemen  (November 2006) (rank 22nd) |
|
My son Carter is going through a particularly tough stage right now. His little hands won't quite cooperate when he's learning to write and he often dissolves into tears when the ideas in his head don't match up to what he can actually do. Here's a little list of six
things that are working for us as we look for ways to help Carter deal with his frustration.
- Get it right. It always helps to be exactly clear about what your little guy is trying to do. My kids constantly surprise me with plans and ideas that are off my radar. The simple act of identifying the problem lets kids know you understand the importance of their intention. A simple clarifying question--"Do you want to stack all of the square blocks into one tower?" can be all it takes to help your budding architect start to calm down.
- Make space for the hard part. My kids always respond when I acknowledge how big this task feels to them right now. By acknowledging that they are in a legitimate struggle to do something new, you can validate the effort that's been suspended so far. Kids who burst into tears or who are overcome with anger when they try and miss the goal need space to be disappointed so they can eventually try again.
- Give him his heart's desire in a wish. This one works like a charm! I can almost always connect with my very emotional Carter if I turn on the creativity and offer him the most playful wish. For example, when traffic or circumstances start to frustrate my hungry and tired children, I'll say something silly like "I wish this car would turn into a flying carpet, so we could sail over the cars and be home in one second!" When situations arrive that are beyond all of our control, this method helps everyone lighten up without negating the intensity of the desire.
- Offer hands off support. Kids get frustrated because they know intuitively that they should be able to complete the task--even though their little bodies aren't cooperating quite yet. When I can hold off on solving the problem myself and offer tangible, positive support instead--"You're almost there! Don't give up!"--my kids have the emotional back-up they need to stick with the task. Nothing solves frustration more than actually being able to push through to success, so sometimes it's essential to let your little buddy struggle until he can figure things out for himself.
- Celebrate the effort over the end result. Even the littlest toddler will be happy to hear you say, "Wow! You are really trying to use your words!" Find every opportunity you can to meet frustration with understanding and applause. You can diffuse frustration by redirecting focus on what's happened so far and by expressing gratitude & awe at how much your child wants to be able to do something BIG and new.
- Make a plan to try again another day. Sometimes it's clear to everyone but the baby worker-bee that today is NOT the day that she'll figure out how to solve that little problem she's been working on. Before you banish the blocks or the bike or the puzzles, get out a piece of paper and explain to your child that this note says we can try again another day. Put it on the refrigerator door for all to see, and transition to other activities as quietly as possible. Bringing a practice session to a gentle end sooner than later staves off the big displays and reassures kids that they can always try, try, try again.
What works when your kids are frustrated? Please, please add your comments (or opinions) in the section below. I'd love some honest feedback from other parents who've been there.
copyright 2007 jen lemen
