Helping your child cope after a parent's surgery or illness

Derek just came home from the hospital today after having surgery and it has been quite a transition.  Ethan is used to Dad carting him around on a whim and now things have changed.  We have had to implement some changes to make sure that Dad is safe and

can recover properly and Ethan still gets the love and hugs he needs.  It was an emotional day but here were a few things that worked for us and were certainly good preparation for when Baby #2 comes along and Mom is the one that can't be there 100% of the time.

These ideas will also work for the mom who has just come home from the hospital after having a c-section.  The transition with a new baby is difficult enough but not being able to comfort your other children by picking them up like you used to do might be difficult for your big boys or girls. 

• Everything is going to be OK.  Dad is looking a little yellow, moving a lot slower and while his surgery was minimally invasive, he has found himself with 7 small wounds across his abdomen that need to heal.  Ethan, while at 21 months could not understand what was going on, did sense that something was wrong.  Both Dad and Mom reassured him that Dad's was going to be OK and not to worry.  And if Dad says "don't worry," Ethan doesn't worry. 
• Be honest.  Dad has an "owie" and because of it, he can't do all the things he normally does.  Dad showed him his wounds, explained that he was hurting a little and that Ethan needed to be VERY GENTLE with Dad.  Ethan understood the "owie" and very gently leaned over to give his dad a kiss.  He then turned around and told his Grandpa all about Dad's owie.  I think the honesty and showing Ethan where the pain was coming from helped him realize to some degree the seriousness of Dad's condition.  He had a few moments during the day when he forgot but his dad gently reminded him.
• Provide alternatives.  While Dad can't pick up Ethan because he is restricted to lifting anything over 10 pounds for the next 6 weeks (information that I would have liked to have known BEFORE the surgery), he can sit on a chair and have Ethan climb up on his lap and snuggle his side.  Ethan fell asleep like this tonight so it must have worked.  He is used to a lot of affection from Dad and Dad had to find ways to give that affection.
• Find distractions.  We are staying at Nana's and Grandpa's house for the beginning of the recovery.  It's kind of like being at Disney World.  Today Ethan even managed to find some bigger neighborhood kids to play with and was having a blast.  Not having Dad's total attention seemed to not be a problem because Ethan was getting so much attention from his grandparents and the pets and everyone around him.  When it came time to wind down at the end of the day, he needed his dad but he didn't seem to be upset about everything going on around him because he was having a high old time. 

It's really hard to do but it seems like these things are making it easier for everyone to cope.  I hope they can help you too.