I've been thinking a lot lately on gender issues and what makes people the way they are.  After reading some articles on Minti I thought I'd add my thoughts (for what it's worth)

I think that children should be developed to their own potential - whoever they are.  The more well rounded and confident your child the better a chance they stand. 

To my mind this means letting them try everything and work out what is right for them.  All children have different things that interest them, different ways of learning, different personalities.  How will they ever learn what their inclinations and skills are if you don't let them experiment (with close care & supervision of course)?

Girls and boys are made differently (as are men & women - ask any wife!).  Visit any three year old's birthday party and you will see the differences showing already.  However that doesn't mean that we can't add to their program so to speak.  We help them enhance and develop their personality through our parenting.

My boy is definitely a boy - very much so - yet he loves "making me tea", so I am looking for a non-pink tea set for him.  He helps Daddy in the kitchen so he doesn't see it as girly (most of the best chefs are men!).  He does play with dolls (though he generally drags them around by their hair).  He also has lots of cars.  His favourite toys are his musical instruments, his dress up box, his trampoline and his tool set.  He also loves books and loves to read (especially about dinosaurs).  To my mind this shows a well rounded personality.

I have been criticised for letting him play with dolls and letting him have pink things as it will make him gay!  I replied that I think it a lot more likely that boys that have that side of them suppressed will look into it later in life - if they are even slightly that way inclined...  (not to say that a gay son would be the most dreadful thing that could happen)  I find the more homophobic and suppressed boys are the more I wonder what is going on under their skin!

How can we expect our sons to make great Dads if we don't let them practice? 

Kids learn through play.  They also work out their worries and fears through play.  Depriving them of that outlet stunts their emotional growth.  Yes, your son might want to dress up like mummy or play with dolls, but isn't it true that the person they see the most of (generally) is Mum?  Isn't imitation the sincerest form of flattery?

That said, despite all my fairness and never telling him things are 'girly' my son has now decided that pink is girly and will not have anything pink, but instead gives it to his sister.  He also told me he can't be friends with the girl next door as she is a girl (though he will play with his girl cousins 'cause cousins don't count! - 3 year old logic)

Where do they learn these things from?

I have also made a stance of not giving him violent toys - like guns & swords.  My husband laughed and said he would make his own.  Of course he has - sticks are swords and guns are made from Duplo.  I feel really uncomfortable about that but I can't stop him.  i just talk to him about hurting other people and why we don't!

The important thing is that my husband has never judged - he plays along and sings, dances and reads with him - as well as all the rough stuff!  Apparently growing up with older sisters he was brought up much the same.

So when it comes to my daughter, how do we play it? 

I am surprised that my daughter is bringing out my softer, more feminine side naturally.  I hated pink before but it is growing on me and she has a fine collection of dresses (as well as her brother's hmds).  However I quite frequently dress her in colours other than pink.  I am happy for her to play with cars and dolls - I hope the two children will share toys.  However as my husband said "surely we should be teaching boys to care and nurture, not teaching our girls not to!" - profound!

Anyway that's what I think - give them a chance and don't push them into your mould - encourage them to be who they are and they will be the best person they can be.