I'm sharing this because it has been a very difficult time for me - and for my sons.
My 15yo got himself a seemingly wonderful girlfriend. It was a beautiful relationship, they were wayyyy too into eachother, inseperable. I think it may have been 'love' on my sons side.
The gf - well she unfolded slowly - and seemed to me, to be a problem.
Against my advice, my son spent all his pays on her (he was working as an apprentice) buying her clothes, taking her out to the movies, bowling, game centres and the likes.. they were having a wonderful time. but.. his friends - they were losing out.
Another friend arrived on the scene, he lives in a house with his mother who does nothing but roll cigarettes all day for her kids, her 19yo daughter is pregnant to an unknown father, going out with her brothers boss (and will apparently marry him) she is a drug addict, the boy who is my sons friend (was should I say) is an alcoholic, at 16, and his younger brother (15) is a drug/alcohol addict.. not good people really for my son to be hanging out with.
Along with this comes violence, the boys were walking around harrassing people, carrying knives, bullying - drinking. My son also tried pot. This came into the home, my son was home whenever he wanted to be, I tried taking away priveledges, I tried talking sense into him, but as we all know, we don't wanna hear what we don't wanna hear. I became a nag.. be home by 'blah' please.. and he didn't show.. so I'd call him to find out where he was.. again.. I was bad.. I was at a loss. Not long into this new friendship - the girlfriend started working - she is a chronic liar. She encouraged my son to lie, his mates to lie.. I couldn't beleive anything that was being said.. my son was getting violent in the home, bully8ing his younger brother - to a degree that my 11yo wanted to move out and live with his father, he was scared to live here with his older brother, and I, too, was beginning to be scared. Apparently he was waving knives around at his little brother telling him how easy it would be to kill him and so forth - terrifying for a little boy.
15yo would come home at any time - bringing hoards of friends I didnt' like to be here. I banned 2 from my property, which they respected, but of course that made my son angry. I told all his friends, if I found they were supplying my son with alcohol, they risked being charged ($2000 fine here), the drinking almost stopped.
Violence became a regular occurence, he was smashing things in the home, very very angry boy! Kicking things, throwing things, punching walls etc.. I was now terrified, what could I do? what do we do?
Hey.. in a bid to save my son - and I hope this can help others, I had only one other option. I needed to keep my 11yo and I safe, but how? I coudln't talk sense into my son - he should know better - I thought I had raised him better, but he had lost contact with reality..
I told my son if he became uncontrollable again (He says he doesn't know what he's doing in a rage) I would call the police. I had to - it was so hard to do, calling the police on my own son.. they advised to take out an intervention order.. I did... Along with the interim order came a curfew, he had to be home by 11.45 every night, and wasn't to leave this house till 7am. Peace started to be restored, but he was still very angry, he had lost a lot of his freedom.
In the meantime, his gf dumped him for his alcoholic mate - she is also doing drugs, and sleeping with any guy who will let her.. yet still goes out with this so called bf of hers.. my son severed the friendship with the mate aswell - good thing... his best mate was away in NZ, he felt like he was so alone. I had to leave him be.. let him work himself out, be there when he wanted to talk. This meant for me, many mornings till 4am talking to him, listening to him, trying to understand him, and not nagging at him - it all helped. I was so so tired.
Yesterday was my day in court, the intervention order is now in place for 12mths. I lost the curfew - but if he harrasses, bullies, abuses us in any way shape or form, he risks a $24000 fine or time in jail (jouvey as he is underage) and the last thing my son would ever want to do .. is break the law. He could break MY laws, but he won't break a law that has been given to him on paper by the local police. This intervention order protects my 11yo aswell, so now my 15yo is seeing the errors in his ways, and trying hard to restore some peace - to re-establish his very broken relationship with his brother, and trying to prove to himself (and me) that he can do better. He has finally agreed to get counselling, and is on anti-depressants, the difference is amazing - yet we still have a long way to go. We got the kittens, one each for the boys, 15yo was agressive to his kitten and the kitten rejected him - its been a good lesson - he is seeing he will get treated how he treats others. I feel for him, I had to get tough - but sometimes we have no choice at all - and I'd much rather have this order on him than to see him wind up in jail for injuring someone else.
His lessons have been hard, he is still learning more - ie money - it doesnt' grow on tree's.. he has built up some massive debts, I have to bail him out, but at a cost to him - he owes me what he has spent - time to take responsibility for his actions - stand on his own two feet, and right his wrongs.. with me there beside him every step of the way providing unconditional love - my actions came with love, not animosity, which I feel is the most important lesson here.. don't hate them if they go wrong.. help them learn to walk again.
(November 2006) (
