My friend Jennifer had a baby a little over a month ago.  When I spoke with her on the phone the other day, I asked her how it was going with the endless number of family members arriving to see the new granddaughter.  She laughed and said that as good as it was to have everyone there, it was nice to finally have the house back to just their family--Mom, Dad and Baby Girl. 

She then mentioned that she noticed that everyone was trying to get her out of the house so that they could be alone with the baby and she didn't know quite what to say. What do you do when your mother is pushing for you to go out to lunch with your husband and leave your brand newborn baby (only 4 days old)?  She was torn because it wasn't that she didn't trust her mother with her child.  It was just that she had her brand new baby in her arms and wasn't ready to part with her for a few hours just yet.  I had a similar experience with Derek's parents.  They wanted us to go out to a nice dinner in town--an event that would have had us out of the house for a minimum of 3 hours.  I wasn't ready to leave him just yet.  What could I say?

• Give them the facts.  I was breastfeeding Ethan and was having quite a difficult time of it.  In fact, in order to keep my milk supply up, I had to nurse him every 1 1/2 hours.  I was already on an emotional and hormonal roller coaster and the thought of setting myself back by being gone too long was too much for me. 
  
• Try to spark their memory.  Jennifer said that she just asked her mother if her mother would have left Jennifer after 4 days to go out to lunch.  Although her mother's memory was a little fuzzy, she admitted that she too may have been a little reluctant to leave so soon.
• Reaffirm that you trust your loved one.  It really is all about you and not about them.  You trust them but you just aren't ready.  That's OK.
• If you want to go, get out while the going is good.  If you need the break and you want the break, take them up on it.  Sometimes a little separation will help you regain your sanity.
• Understand the "why."  If you are like me, you may just be a hormonal mess after giving birth.  If you had any complications with the birth or are having troubles after the baby's birth, your tension level may be high.  If it is, know that everyone else can see it and feel it to.  Your mother-in-law may be worried that you might not like the way she wrapped the baby's blanket or the exact angle you are holding her.  No one feels comfortable being critiqued and you may just be at a critical high.  Getting you out of the house is one less thing for a Grandma to worry about. 
  
• Provide an alternative.  Ask that relative who is dying to be alone with the baby to watch her while you take a nap.  Should there be a "crisis" you are just in another room to fix the problem but your mother-in-law doesn't have to feel like she is trapped under your watchful eye.  You get a break and Grandma has the feeling of being "alone" with her grandbaby in a relatively stress-free environment.

They aren't trying to get rid of you so that they can steal your baby.  I promise.  But it's up to you to decide when you are ready to leave your baby for the first time.  Do it when you want to do it.