In response the the requested advice:  here as quoted below:

"Please Help How to handle my new 8 yo son who is ill behaved and disrespectful
Hello, I am at my wits end.. 3 and 1/2 months ago I got married and became a wife and

and at the smae time a new mother to a7 going on 8yo son. He comes from a very bad background--his mother is on drugs and has been on drugs, he does not know how to act properly, education has been seen as something that is not important, he is rude, and lies most egregiously. I have tried to give him an environmnet full of love to replace all of hte neglect tht he has had to deal with for the last 7 years.. 2 days after the wedding he started to show a side of him that I have never seen before.. He started to make up the worst lies that concerned my husband-- lies such as he will beat you so hard, he does drugs, he is violent so on and so forth --this is just he tip of the iceberg...When confronteed with his lies-- he continues to lie to your face.. I believe that he thinks that by telling these lies to other people that someoow they will send him back to his mom in Tenn. I have tried to explain to him that the lies that he tells will not send back to Tenn to his mom. I have tried to be understanding.. but He has started to lie on me to my husband---he lies so well that it is hard to distinguish the truth from a lie... He is causing so much tension between me and my new husband that I am a loss as to what to do... I have tried time outs (he of course is not use to this and thinks it is a joke), taking away some of his favorite toys for a while, sending him to bed early--but nothing seems to work. Dept of children services took him way from his mom be cause of neglect and abuse--I believe that he is telling lies of this nature because he thinks that DCS will again take him away and send him back to his mom. I spend alot of time with him helping with his homework, reading to him, taking him to story time--but everything I do makes him resent me for doing the things that his mom never did... I TRULY, TRULY, NEED SOME HELP. I know it has only been 3 and 1/2 months since i have become a new mom and he needs time to adjust--but what do i do in the interim when his lies and his attitude and his disrespect is too much for me."

response from mammy rebs below .....

Firstly do not take this the wrong way please as i mean no disrespect, but do you know 100% that the stories he is telling are lies?

 could there be an eliment of truth to them at all?  that you may not want to believe?

 if not,  even though he may seem to be a horror this is probably a very hurt and confused little boy you are dealing with.   He has probably witnessed, heard and experienced a lot of things a child should never be exposed to, so obviously you learn from what you know!

 I haven't experienced this as a parent but to a certain extent i have as a child and what i would suggest is to try and listen to what he has to say even if you think he is lying, make it clear that lies are unexeptable but hear him out.   It sounds like he is very confused and crying out for help. No matter how horrible he may be at times just remember he has been hurt himself and learnt this behaviour, the one person who is supposed to be there and love him has let him down seriously and he may even blame his dad a little for letting it happen ( a childs mind only see's black and white ) he may even be testing you in his own way to see if you abandon him like his mum did ?? who knows! only he can tell you, but be patient with him and try to understand as much as you can don't shout or call him a liar (not that you do ) but also be firm and have a firm tone when he plays up.

I don't know what country you are in but if you are in England i love to watch a programme called house of tiny tear aways or super nanny it shows you how to deal with all sorts of behaviour.  I have the book of one of the shows called super nanny by jo frost,  she is excellent at sorting behaviour problems the same with the psychologist called tanya ? (can't remember last name) who is on the programme house of tiny tear aways. I think the last stage if nothing else works is family councelling. you and your husband need to stay focused and close, so keep communicating with each other but that little boy also needs someone to be on his side. On the time outs (you probably do this anyway) but with bad behaviour like violence or ignoring rules

 1. give a warning and explain that if this doesn't stop or he does it again you will put him on the naughty step (or what ever you use)

2. if he continues to do it, put him on the naughty step (keep him there for 1min for every year of his life. so if he's 8 then 8mins) kneel down to his level, eye to eye and explain to him why he is there and that his behaviour is unexeptable and to stay there untill you come and get him (you must always explain why you put him there so they understand that you are not just being mean)

3. after 8min go back and ask him if he knows why you put him there (if not explain again) then ask for a sorry, if he says it,  he can come off the step, if not explain to him that he will be staying there for another 8min and repeat  stage 1 and 2

be consistant if you tell him something follow it through good or bad, as he has been let down in the past  and needs to have consistancy in his life.

I wish you all the best luck and happiness in the world it will be tough but you'll get there and feel proud of yourselves and him when you do.

REBECCA