ADVICE RATING |
  4.05 (Worth a try) from 8 votes (128 Visits) |
|
|
Argumentative (depressed?) 11yo |
 |
by rosalinda  (November 2006) (rank 191st) |
|
Well the only strategy of discipline I've ever found to work on that age-group is the recinding of priviledges. And your son has no end of priviledges so they will provide plenty of scope. Generally speaking, people who grouch & shout there way through life do so because
it works... They get what they want most of the time. People tread lightly around them since they don't want to set off an argument. So I strongly reccommend that you find a way to tackle the behaviour now before he gets any older. While it may feel good (in some ways) to be an indulgent & loving parent; it won't feel so good when you witness his inability to have loving relationships in later life. Or (even worse) witness his abuse of his partner/wife/girlfriends.
He gets to go to activities he likes? So warn him (once) that he will not be taken to these activities for a month if he continues to shout (it would be far too embarrassing to be seen in public with such a badly behaved youngster). If the shouting continues; change your plans immediately; no negotiation.
He doesn't like to get dressed? So warn him (once) that if necessary he will be sent to school in his pyjamas. Then do it; no negotiation.
He doesn't like to go shopping? So warn him (once) that his favourite things will not be purchased unless he attends the shops with you to remind you what they are. Then don't buy the things he likes; no negotiation.
'Time Out' is the method most often reccommended for parenting guidelines these days. It may be worthwhile investing in a sliding bolt for the outside of his door. You will certainly need to remove his gaming equipment for 'time out' to be effective. Probably his major addiction (rather than depression) is around the computer games. Certainly the symptoms you describe most closely resemble addiction (not depression; you certainly don't lash out at your loved ones on a regular basis). Computer game addiction is endemic amongst children (& many adults as well) in the developed world. So when Reece is deprived of his computer games, don't be surprised if his reaction is violent. You may well witness the smashing of furniture etc so if any priceless heirlooms are kept in his room it would be best to remove them along with the equipment/leads. Leave anything he breaks as it is (don't repair or tidy it) as he needs to be reminded of the consequences of his rage.
Many parents find that their moody & difficult children change personality completely if all sugar & junk food is removed from their diet. (Its a kind of allergy.) If you think this may be an angle worth trying, do discuss it with him first as many children suddenly find they can control their mood swings if there is the possibility they will be deprived of junk food otherwise. (Indicating it wasn't an allergy at all.) But some benefit enormously.
The most important advice I can give you is.. Always Follow Through On What You Say You Are Going To Do. We all need to know where we stand. And Reece is no different in this resect. He needs to know that you are as good as you word. And that consequences follow choices as night follows day. It is the single most important lesson you can teach him. So Never make threats you are not prepared to act on. And Never make promises you can't fulfill.
I can't guarantee it will be easy. I can guarantee that within 6 months, if you follow the path without faltering, you will know for sure if he needs to see a child psychologist. If he seems sincerely miserable (sobbing uncontrollably; not eating), rather than backing down on his consequences; give him lots of hugs, brow-stroking, massages, bed-time stories.. In short; love rather than things. As this is the greatest gift you can give him.
Good Luck
HUGS
Rosalinda
Hi there.
